Expecting Christmas

Do you sometimes see December 25 on the calendar and want to run in the opposite direction? How many gingerbread men, holiday parties and bows affixed to presents does one have to endure in a few short weeks?

Sometimes we get caught up in making sure our family’s Christmas Is. The. Best. Ever. And in the process, we lose something of our ourselves as we rush hither and yon in search of the perfect present, the perfect tree, the perfect holiday party outfit and the perfect Christmas cookie. Often, what we’re really running around for is not to please ourselves but to meet the expectations of others, spoken or perceived.

We picture what an ideal Christmas should look like, no matter that our family doesn’t like to sing carols, or that Junior is allergic to pine needles. We carry that image around in our minds and measure everything we do to ensure that it meets an impossible vision of Christmas.

What we end up being is simply exhausted, frustrated and grumpy when we should be happy, relaxed and joyful during this season of celebrating our families, friends and the birth of our Savior.

Image courtesy of Grant Cochrane/
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It doesn’t have to be like that. You can jump off the Christmas merry-go-round and have the Christmas you really want, leaving behind those expectations that tangle us up in knots much like last year’s tree lights. My article, “Great (Christmas) Expectations,” on Crosswalk.com gives some simple ways to unchain ourselves from the expectations of others and to truly love this season of joy.

Remember that you and your family should be the only ones to decide what Christmas will look like—it doesn’t have to be postcard perfect, it doesn’t have to have what’s always been done if no one enjoys that, and it doesn’t have to be what you think is required. It just has to be what fits your family and your schedule.

Until next time,

Sarah

Early in 2014, Sarah and Mary Elizabeth Peritti will speak on Parenting With Love & Leadership in a four-part webinar series. Contact Sarah through her website for more information.

Stepping Back, Not Forward

You’re on the playground and your five-year-old son pushes another boy down while playing a game of tag. You see children being children, no harm done; the other mother sees a playground bully preying on her child.

As any mother can attest, situations like the one above are fraught with drama. If you’re the mother of the pusher, you can feel judged and embarrassed. If you’re the mother of the pushee, you can feel angry and scared for your child’s wellbeing.

That scenario happened to me earlier this week, with my son being the one who pushed another child down while playing a game with a group of boys, all around the same age. Boys of a certain age tend to be play a bit rough. None of the boys were being mean or vicious—and I keep a close eye on my two boys to ensure their play does not stray into that territory. I know my oldest son can get carried away with his play and become too rough, and I try to nip that tendency in the bud.

I feel in general that we as parents, and particularly as mothers, have become oversensitive about our expectations for our children’s behavior and the behavior of other children. With the pushing incident, I felt the other mother wanted me to discipline my child for something I wasn’t even sure he had done. The other mother was visibly upset and angry, even though her son was back playing as if nothing had happened.

Sometimes, we strive too hard to please everyone with our parenting—and that can lead to us to make mistakes and not parent effectively. Sometimes, it’s harder to let children be children, and to let them work through their own squabbles without interfering.

My goal with my children has been to be as hands-off as possible, to let them figure things out on their own whenever possible, to train them how to resolve conflicts as they grow (and with siblings, there’s plenty of opportunity for that!), and to just be kids. Allowing our kids the chance to grow in their own can be a beautiful thing. That doesn’t mean we turn them completely loose, or that we ignore bad behavior, but that we step back from them more often than we step forward into their lives.

And keeping a little perspective on the playground, helps, too.

Until next time,

Sarah