Partying Like a Graduate

Q: My high school senior wants to go to a party after graduation. The location will be a classmates house, but I’ve been unable to receive satisfactory answers as to whether the parents will be home. I know she wants to celebrate with her friends, but after reading so much about alcohol being at high school graduation parties, I’m a little leery. I trust my daughter, but it’s the other kids I’m worried about.

A: I have the perfect solution, one guaranteed to ease your mind. Call up the classmate’s parents and offer your services as a chaperone and nonalcoholic barkeep. They’ll probably be thrilled to have another pair of hands on deck to help with setup and monitoring the crowd.

However, if they respond with no thanks, they’ve got it covered, then tell your daughter she may attend with the caveat that you’ll be popping by during the evening. She may be on the cusp of adulthood, but you’re still the parent and you want to be available in case she gets into a situation that’s out of her control.

So ease up and let her spread her wings a bit on her own, but do drop by and check on things. And if you do find alcohol there, take your daughter, leave and phone the police. You might lose some friends over that call, but you certainly don’t want any alcohol-related car crashes on your conscience.

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Spring Break?

Q: My high school senior wants to go with some of his friends over spring break to Florida. My husband says because he’s a good kid (no trouble with drugs/alcohol/smoking, kept up his grades), he’s inclined to let him go. I’m more concerned with what the other kids will do and that our son will get sucked into participating in something he shouldn’t. What should we do?

Image courtesy of Sura Nualpradid / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A: If your son wanted to go to an unstable country, like Iraq, would you let him? Sending a high school senior, no matter the gender or “goodness quality,” over spring break to Florida is like sending him into a war zone. Florida during spring break is a veritable cauldron of excess: drinking, sex, drugs, etc. It’s difficult to think how any teenager could resist the numerous temptations that will present themselves to him over the course of a week.

However, there’s more than one way to skin a cat—or in this case, to solve this problem. Suggest to him that the entire family head down to whichever beach town his friends will be. He can spend the day with his friends, but with the family for dinner and the evening hours.

While this is a win-win situation for both of you, he might decide not to go by himself. In which case, you’ll spend a relaxing spring break at home.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

High School Freshman: Bored or Sabotaging His Future?

Q: Our son, a freshman, has had a difficult adjustment to high school. Socially, he seems fine, but he is exhibiting anxiety issues. He completes his homework on time, but it’s not always his best effort. However, he’s been flunking tests and quizzes. He has been saying that school is boring and he doesn’t see college in his future. I think he’s afraid of the future, which is why he’s given up on school. How can we help him to reach out to the school for help and get him to do his work?

A: High school is definitely a different animal than middle school, with harder subjects and more distractions. The good news is that he’s doing well socially. The not-so-good news is that his interest in friends could be contributing to the problem if he’s more interested in his social standing than his academic performance.

The bad news is you can do nothing to help him. It’s his work, not yours. If he wants to flunk out, then there’s little you can do to stop him. But do not despair! You can motivate him to solve this problem on his own. I’d recommend a weekly report that your son has to give to each teacher on Friday for their signature. The teachers would have to assert that your son is passing their class with a grade of “C” or better and is not missing any assignments. The report is cumulative to ensure consistent, good performance. Get the teachers’ buy-in before implementing the report by scheduling a meeting with them and going over the report. The report should be simple for the teachers to fill in.

Needless to say, it will be your son’s responsibility to get the teachers to sign the report each week. If he does not get “passing” ratings from all his teachers, then he’s under full restriction—no special events, after school activities, phone calls, electronic devices, etc.—until he brings home a report with all “passing” ratings.

The purpose is to put the responsibility for his grades on the shoulders of the only person who can solve the problem—your son. A system like this gives him clear expectations and a weekly chance to do well in school.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.