For the Love of TV

Q: We introduced our three-year-old daughter to television at an early age. We put limits on viewing time—currently, 30 minutes to an hour per day of something educational. However, she loves, loves, loves TV and prefers watching it to anything else. Is this okay? Should we wean her off of it, and if so, how?

A: Of course she loves it! What's better than doing nothing and being “entertained” by flashing lights and quick-changing scenes? I would pull the plug entirely right now, no exceptions, for at least six months. There are so many other things she could be doing that is more beneficial to her growing brain than staring at a screen, no matter how educational the programming.

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But she will complain, and whine and beg and plead and throw temper tantrums when you do (I’m sure this has already happened when you limit her exposure). This will pass in a few days if you stick with it--and DON’T replace TV screen time with electronic screen time of another sort (such as computers, tablets, smartphones, etc.). Kick the entire screen habit cold turkey with her.

Just simply tell her no TV and provide alternatives, such as building blocks and cars and trucks, trains and tracks, stuffed animals, etc. Any toy that doesn’t make it’s own noise is key--you want your daughter to provide the “entertainment” value for the toys, not the other way around. You will probably have to teach her how to play and expect a short attention span to begin with--but with calm purpose, you can help her recover her natural ability to entertain herself without electronics.

To give her a push in jumpstarting her imagination, build a town for her dolls out of building blocks, talking about what you’re doing, as in “Let’s make it big enough for Dolly to live in. Do you think she needs space to take a rest?” Let her guide the play and redirect the building. After about five minutes or so, she should be more engaged and then you can just sit there and let her do the playing. With stuffed animals, you can start a conversation between the owl and the lion about what to do that day. Ask your daughter what you think they should do, then do different voices for the animals. She'll probably start making sounds or voices herself with those or other animals.

In all activities, start the play, but then step aside and become a passive observer as your daughter takes over. As the hold TV/screens has had on her lessens, her brain will start to fire up on its own with imaginative play.

For more on how screen time, even “educational” programs, games, etc., re-wire children's brains, check out The Shallows by Nicholas Carr or The Big Disconnect by Teresa Barker and Catherine Steiner-Adair.

Setting Screen Time for Teens

Q: I’m looking for advice on out how to set reasonable screen-time restrictions for my older teens. They’re online to do their homework and usually chat with friends, update social media accounts, etc. But with summer coming, I want to balance freedom and independence along with off-screen time without my nagging them. What do you advise for screen time limits and how do I enforce those limits?

A: Children, especially teens, do not view screen time as anything but good. They also have no idea how long they actually spend with their eyes glued to a small or large screen (TV, video games, smartphones, tablets, etc.). Because digital devices are so addictive, the more they engage with such electronics, the more they will want to be always connected. There’s been tons of research recently that shows both the destructive additive nature of digital devices and the way those devices harm family relationships.

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To curb the technology beast in your home, I recommend jettisoning an hourly limit per day. You will find yourself in “police” mode as you argue with your teens about what constitutes usage and which clock to use to measure time. That’s one fight you don’t want to start because it will only cause stress and tension and accomplish nothing.

Instead, implement several “screen-free zones” throughout the day. Set aside specific blocks of time when everyone—including parents!—turn off all electronic devices. Mealtimes are a good place to start. Some families have a “technology” basket where everyone places their turned-off handheld devices when called to the table. No one, even Mom or Dad, gets up to answer a call during family meal times. Maybe you add an hour of technology-free time after dinner on Thursdays for a family game.

For the summertime, you could designate a two- or three-hour block of time each afternoon as a screen-free zone, to ensure that your teens are at least getting regular breaks from their devices. Institute a bedtime for devices, too, such as 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. the devices are off and in the basket (if your teen has a later curfew, then the device goes in the basket when he comes home).

Many teens need such guidelines to help them get a good night sleep, interact with the family, and remember that there is a life outside of texting. Whatever you decide, make it clear, enforce it, and don’t listen to the arguments as to why it’s so unfair (typical teen stuff). This is one instance where actions will speak volumes, so please make sure you follow the screen-free zones at mealtimes and bedtime, too. We as parents need to set a good example especially when it comes to using technology wisely.

Email Sarah if you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog.