Parental Resolution #3: I Will Disconnect to Reconnect

Each time the calendar turns over into a new year, we often celebrate by coming up with resolutions. On our lists might be health-related goals, job performance, personal improvement, etc.

This month, I want to challenge you to put four Parental Resolutions on your list. Each week in January, I’ll talk about one of the four major goals that should be on every parent’s list. For help in achieving these goals, I have two upcoming seminars: one in-person option if you’re in Northern Virginia and webinars for those farther away. Plus, you can now connect with me via video on Popexpert.com. Click on the Classes/Speaking tab on my website for details.

Parental Resolution #3: I will disconnect to reconnect.

Technology has transformed the way we communicate. Email, texting and social media sites have taken the place of phone calls, handwritten letters and in-person conversations. The ability to be “in touch” with others 24/7 has created an environment totally different from that of a mere 20 years ago.

An unintentional side effect of being so connected is that parents—and children—have become worn out. 

Image courtesy of dan/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Children and parents are showing signs of relational fatigue—tech burnout—from the pressure of constant communication, the endless competition with screens for each other’s attention, or trying to ‘be there’ for all people all the time,” writes Catherine Steiner-Adair in her new book, The Big Disconnect.

We’re warned about what we—and our children—are looking at on our screens, but rarely are we cautioned about what the mere fact that we’re so linked is doing to our relationships. Here are a few reasons to disconnect so that you can reconnect with your family.

• We’re sending our kids the wrong message. What do your kids think when you spend more time clicking keys than talking to them with our full attention? Steiner-Adair summed it up: “The message we communicate with our preoccupation and responsiveness to calls and email is: Everybody else matters more than you.”
• We’re bending the rules. When you text while driving or interrupt a face-to-face conversation with your child to check your cell phone, you are essentially saying, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Which we all know doesn’t work because actions do speak louder than words. If we want our children to obey don’t-text-and-drive laws and if we want our children to pay attention more to the one they are with than the person on the phone, then we need to start living our lives like we believe those are good ideas.
• We’re showing signs of addiction ourselves. If we can’t bear to put down our own devices for the space of a dinner or five-minute conversation, we shouldn’t be surprised that it is hard for our children to do the same. Technology is addictive, which means it’s a very good idea to have technology-free time zones in your home. For example, everyone turns off their phones for an hour in and around dinner. Everyone puts their phones out of reach overnight. Maybe go technology-free for an entire day on Sundays. Having regularly scheduled breaks will help you and your children not become slaves to technology.

These are just a few of the many ways technology can overtake our lives and make us disengage from our families. Make it your resolution to take a hard look at how you and your family use technology—and whether you need to disconnect in order to reconnect.

Until next time,

Sarah