Adjustment Snapshot

The Scenario: Your three-year-old child has suddenly become very difficult in the weeks after you came home from the hospital with a new baby sister. He ignores your commands, laughs when punished, and has had numerous potty “accidents.” You’re wondering if the new sibling has created a three-year-old monster. Will his behavior improve on its own or should you intervene now?

The Solution: The birth of a sibling—as with any major event in a child’s life—can throw the older child into a tizzy. Regressions are a typical response and will pass with gentle encouragement and consistency on your part. First, don’t reassure him with words but actions as to his place in the family. With everyone oohing and aahing over the baby, he’s feeling a bit left out.

Start by setting aside some time just for him each day. Ask for his help in sorting clothes. While you’re feeding the baby, sing some songs with him or read him a story. As much as you can, ignore his attitude and work on correcting his behaviors.

Remind him that he knows how to use the toilet but has forgotten. Show him how to clean up after his “on purposes” and rinse out his underwear. Be matter of fact but firm, and he should return to his usual self in a few weeks.

Excerpted from Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids From War to Peace, available now. Posted with permission of Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City.

Introducing New Siblings

This is the last sneak peak at what’s inside my new book, Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids From War to Peace, which is available now, with permission of Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City.

A child can become a sibling in several ways—through the birth of a brother or sister, through the adoption of a baby or older child, or through the remarriage of a parent to a spouse with children. However that sibling comes along, the child’s world changes dramatically. Sometimes, the transition is accompanied by resentment and misbehavior by the former singleton, but parents can ease the transition from an only to a sibling.

In our home, we welcomed our second child when our firstborn was twenty-two months old. Naomi, the older daughter, adjusted fairly well to her new little sister, Leah—or so we thought until the day Naomi announced very loudly that I needed to “put Leah down, just put her down,” accompanied by vehement hand motions. That clued us in that Naomi wasn’t taking the addition of a sibling as well as we had initially hoped.

However, that rather rocky beginning hasn’t meant an escalation of hostilities between the pair. Rather, as we showed Naomi how to interact with her sister—and as Leah grew older and more able to play with her older sister—the two of them have become good friends as well as sisters, despite occasional squabbles.

Remember, children are resilient beings, capable of readjusting expectations to new circumstances fairly easily. With guidance, parents can use that ability to swing the older children into acceptance and love for their new siblings.

Read more about how to help an older child learn to accept and love a new sibling in Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids From War to Peace, available now on Amazon.com, CBD.com and Beacon Hill Press.