The Motivation Express

In the business world, motivation has been a hot topic of late, and companies are spending a lot of time and money on figuring out how to motivate their employees to work better and smarter, and how to motivate their clients or customers to spend more and support the business more.

All this motivation talk has filtered down to families, with parents now concerned with how to motivate their children to do well in school, to do chores around the house, to practice an instrument or sport, etc. Many times, moms and dads think that motivation has to do with rewards--the proverbial dangling carrot--and so offer a lot of quid pro quo scenarios, as in:

If you clean your room, we'll go get ice cream.

If you get an A on your science test, I'll give you $20.

Image courtesy of Tom Curtis/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But what that type of motivating will quickly stall because of the Saturation Principle, which basically says each child reaches a certain point with a reward system in which the reward is no longer enough to motivate the child to a particular behavior. In other words, $20 for an A on a science test might work for the first one or two tests, but then the child will need a bigger incentive to do the same thing $20 previously "bought." Or a clean room would soon need a triple fudge sundae as reward when a plain vanilla cone used to be enough.

What the rewards-based motivation parent fails to realize is that a child needs to learn to do something for that something's own sake, not for the carrot dangled in front of him. The old maxim A job well done is its own reward has a lot of truth in it, one that should be taught to children and should be lived out in our lives as adults.

The fact is, there are many jobs and tasks that we have to do because they need doing--housecleaning, cooking, shopping for groceries, etc.--most of those are pretty non-glamorous and rather boring for many of us. If we teach our children that any work must be rewarded as a way to motivate them to complete the task, then how will they learn to find the inner will to do things as adults when there is no longer an enticing carrot being offered for cleaning their room?

As I tell my kids, do the job, task, homework sheet, test, etc., to the best of your ability with a cheerful heart. Sure, sometimes there will be a special treat after a particular thing has been accomplished. We did celebrate with ice cream when the end-of-the-year testing was completed at school, for example. But most of the time, we expect our children to do well without an outside reward, and sometimes, they surprise us with how well they do the task at hand (sometimes, we're not surprised when the job has to be redone because of haste!).

Use rewards as motivation sparingly, and you'll be helping your children to find their own inner motivation.

Until next time,
Sarah

Chores, or How I’ve Stopped Cleaning the House

Last summer, I revamped our household chores, realizing that it’s high time I stopped doing most of the cleaning around here. With four kids between the ages of 4 and 9, I had a ready and able army of helpers.

I sat down and wrote out all the chores I knew my kids were capable of handling. Then I wrote up specific instructions as to how those chores should be done, leaving nothing to the imagination. Finally, I mapped out who would do which chores on what days, putting in what time said chores must be accomplished. (It’s best to be as specific as possible to avoid “misunderstanding” when kids are involved.)

Reviewing the list, I realized nearly every household cleaning task could be assigned to the children, from washing the kitchen floor to vacuuming, from taking out the trash to doing the dishes. Once everything was in place, I called a family meeting and informed the children of the new chores.

While not exactly excited about the prospect—although my five-year-old did do a fist-pump upon being told his job would be setting the table for dinner—the kids have proved to be fairly proficient at cleaning. Not perfect, but with gentle instruction and encouragement, they will soon be doing it as well as any grownup.

Some parents balk at the thought of having their children “work” around the house. To that, I say, aren’t your children consumers in the family? Are they not part of the family? Then they should contribute to the upkeep of the family.

If you need more convincing, here are some positive benefits of chores.

Chores build confidence. Just listen to my oldest brag to her friend that she’s “old enough to do the dishes.” She has discovered that she’s capable of doing something without assistance, something that contributes to the family.

Chores build character, specifically a good work ethic. Being a good employee when they grow up is started by teaching them how to be a good member of the family through chores. Believe me, your child’s future employer will thank you.

Chores build responsibility. Giving your children the opportunity to serve within your family shapes their sense of responsibility.

One final note about chores and compensation: Well-meaning parents tie chores to allowances, and that can create a world of problems. To wit, if a child doesn’t want the money, then he doesn’t have to do the chore, right? Chores are service to the family—if you pay for the chore, the it’s no longer an act of service. So separate chores from allowances.

The new year is a great time to start handing over more of the housework to your children. Then you can sit back and watch their character, confidence and responsibility grow.

Until next time,

Sarah