Why Sleep?

We've always had early bedtimes for our kids, starting from infancy until now. Yes, there were times when my husband didn't get to see the baby because she or he was asleep for the night by 6 p.m., but that only lasted a few months at best.

Even today, our children go to bed early in comparison to most of their peers. While the bedtimes get stretched, especially on a summer's night when the cool waters of the pool beckons us after dinner, most of the time, we stick with the bedtimes.

Why this emphasis on sleep for our kids? For our good and for theirs, of course. Here's why earlier bedtimes are good for both parents and kids.

1. It's grown up time! Parents get time for each other when the kids are in bed at a decent hour. I've heard of kids--and I mean young elementary school age--who stay up as late as their parents. When do mom and dad have anytime without a child awake nearby? Zero. And that isn't conducive to a healthy marriage.

2. Less crankiness, more pleasantness. The right amount of sleep for children ages 5 and up is between 8 and 9 hours a night. When a child rarely gets that much sleep, it impacts his ability to exercise self control, among other positive attributes. Sleep studies have shown that sleep-deprived children behave as if they have ADD or ADHD, too. More sleep equals a better disposition.

3. Better school performance. Just like eating the right foods, sleep is important to growing bodies because it is one of the ways the brain uses to run at optimal functionality. Less sleep means less ability to concentrate and learn during school.

4. Slimmer waistlines. Recent studies have found a direct correlation between lack of sleep and weight gain in both adults and children. A study released this week in Pediatrics found that children who consistently got less than the recommended sleep for their ages were 2.5 times more likely to be obese at age 7 than their peers who got enough sleep.

We as parents need to think of sleep as essential to our children's well-being as their diet and exercise. Yes, you can't make them go to sleep, but we can provide the framework of a good bedtime and a good example ourselves.

Until next time,
Sarah

When Sharing Means No Sleep

Q: Help! We’ve just moved our three-year-old daughter from a crib to a twin bed in her five-year-old sister’s room. However, the transition has not been going well at all. We put them both down at the same time but soon the playing begins. The three-year-old keeps getting out of bed and keeps the five-year-old awake. We’ve tried for a month to get the younger one to sleep, but end up putting her back in the crib about 10 p.m. because neither girl is asleep. Our nine-month-old son needs the crib but we all need sleep, too. What else can we do to help smooth this transition?

A: Ah, the trials and tribulations of room and bed transitions! We went through a similar struggle with our two youngest (boys). The youngest one kept getting out of not only his bed but the entire room as well! As with most transitions, children take time to settle into a new routine. With a little modification, I think your two girls will soon be sleeping much better.

Start by putting the girls to bed separately, with their bedtimes staggered by at least half an hour. This will give the younger one time to settle down on her own before her sister joins her in the room. We’ve found that most of the time, the youngest was asleep when the older one climbed into bed.

Image courtesy of yingyo/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t forget the power of music to sooth them to sleep. We’ve long let our children listen to songs, poems or story CDs when going to sleep. You should make sure it’s not too stimulating, but there are many wonderful CDs for children out there. We’ve especially enjoyed the Rabbit Ears storybook audio series (read by famous actors), as well as various children’s poems. (My mother’s recording of her reading children’s poems on a cassette tape that we had transferred to a CD has been a favorite of all. Something like this makes a great gift, too).

Make sure the girls have plenty of exercise during the day, as activity contributes to good sleep patterns. A quiet bedtime routine that avoids extra stimulation, such as screen time of any kind, will provide signals to their brains that sleep is coming soon.

But if the playing continues despite all of your efforts, just let the girls know that it’s only forbidden if its too noisy. That means no lights on, no bed jumping, no shouting or screaming. If they play quietly for half an hour and fall asleep on the floor, that’s okay.

The most important thing is for you to let your girls figure out on their own how to fall asleep in the same room. Remember, you can’t command a child to go to sleep, but you can provide the tools for her to learn to do it on her own.

Email Sarah if you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog.

Lights Out

Q: What time is appropriate for putting our 7-year-old to bed? Right now, she stays up until 9 p.m. most nights, and seems to be fine the next day. Besides, my husband doesn’t get home from work until close to 7 p.m. weekdays, so if she’s in bed earlier, he doesn’t get to spend as much time with her.

A: Your question encapsulates the problem most parents have with making child-rearing decisions. You’re thinking more about the relationship between the parent and child than the relationship between husband and wife.

The question shouldn’t be phrased as whether there’s some magical time that a 7-year-old should be in bed. The question is what time in the evening do you want to be kid-free so you can spend alone time with your spouse.

If you don’t hit the hay until 11 p.m., then having two hours of alone time with your husband after your daughter’s in bed at 9 p.m. would probably work. If, on the other hand, you only have an hour or less without a child around before bed, then move up the child’s bedtime.

The bedtime is not for the child’s sake—it’s for the parents to have time to remove their mother/father hats and put on their husband/wife hats. Therefore, it doesn’t matter if the said child is sleepy or not when bedtime rolls around.

I’d recommend moving up her bedtime to 8 p.m. at the latest. As long as the child stays in her room with the door closed and isn’t disturbing your peace by being too loud, etc., let her read in bed or listen to a book on CD while you reconnect with your husband. After all, you haven’t seen him all day, either.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

Cry Baby

Letting babies cry it out when going to sleep isn't harmful, according to a new study by a group of Australian researchers. In a recent Wall Street Journal article "Letting Babies Cry a Bit is OK," babies who cry themselves to sleep incur no long-term psychological harm. The study didn't follow parents who allowed babies to cry for long periods of time, but instead followed parents who either frequently checked on the babies when crying or sat in the room with the infants and gradually lessened the amount of time spent in the room.

The long-term and short-term benefits of children falling asleep by themselves can benefit more than just the child. Families of children who sleep well generally have fewer problems overall. "In the short term, the infants and parents get more sleep," said Judith A. Owens, director of sleep medicine at Children's National Medical Center. "A well-rested parent is going to be a better parent in the daytime."

We generally let our children cry for a bit, usually about 10 minutes or so, before checking on them. That worked well, because nine times out of 10, the child had fallen asleep before the 10 minutes ended. An excellent resource for parents wanting sleep guidance is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. This was the book that helped us solve many a sleep problem--and now all four of our children are usually good sleepers.

Until next time,

Sarah

The Importance of Shut-Eye

Let’s face it: We could all use more sleep. The bad news is that we’re more likely to forgo sleep than food, especially when recent studies have found that we need sleep more than food to function properly, according to the Harvard Business Review.


Sleep deprivation can lead to memory problems and muddled minds. Most experts peg how much sleep we need as adults as between seven and eight hours each night.

Sufficient sleep improves our functionality during the day, which can boost our productivity and overall life enjoyment. Ways to improve your sleep include going to bed earlier and at the same time each evening; begin a wind down routine 45 minutes before bedtime; and jot down your thoughts before bed. Also, turning off electronic devices—including cell phones, computers, e-readers and TVs—during your pre-bed rituals can help prepare your mind and body for bed.

Until next time,

Sarah