5 Ways to Have a Peaceful Christmas

December is usually not described as peaceful. Oh, we sing about peace on earth in our carols, but for most of us, days 1 through 25 are spent hurrying around shopping, baking, doing endless lists of things. Sure, we might go to a fun party or special event, but we generally take little time to slow down. To make matters even more stressful, our children stay in a perpetual state of heightened excitement as the days of Christmas draw nearer.

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What’s a parent to do? Here are five suggestions for having yourself a very peaceful Christmas.

1. Talk about your Christmas expectations. With December underway, now’s the time to have a family meeting about what’s important for everyone this season. Is it trimming the tree together? Going to the grandparents on Christmas Eve? Have everyone say the number-one thing they are looking forward to, then focus on those things first. Everything else can be left behind.

2. Develop hearts of gratitude. For all of us, Christmas can become a time of getting, and we can let that go to our heads when we really want that special something. Whatever your ideal gift is, we lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas when we focus only on what we might get instead of what we have. One way to combat the greed of the season is to designate a Thankfulness Jar. Have every family member write down something they are thankful for at least once a week. Then on Christmas Eve or close to that date, sit down with hot chocolate and read the notes aloud together. This will help you get your hearts in the right frame of mind for opening gifts and visiting with family.

3. Think outside yourselves. Whether it’s a family member or a community need, be a blessing to someone else. It could be a simple as shopping together for Toys for Tots, or as elaborate as adopting a family for Christmas. Get your kids involved—as them what they would like to do to help someone else this holiday. You’ll be surprised by what they can come up with once you get their thoughts focused outside of themselves.

4. Downsize the toys. We all have too much stuff, so let’s get rid of some of it before Christmas. With your children, go through their toys or things, mandating that they must give away or toss a certain amount (depending on what you are starting with). Guide them in their choices, but let them make the decisions. Having less is always a good way to go into Christmas—and it’s easier to find places for the new things to come.

5. Stop and smell the pine needles. This time of year, we can become so busy that we hardly have a moment to ourselves. Deliberately plan down time for the entire family to spend watching a favorite holiday flick or singing carols around the fireplace. Spend an afternoon or evening sharing favorite Christmas memories. Little things like this can be relaxing and enjoyable for all members of your family—and help you find a little peace amid the chaos of the season.

Stressed-Out Teens

The headline screamed the warning: “Teen Stress Rivals That of Adults.” American teens report experiences with stress that follow a similar pattern as adults, according to a new survey released this month by the American Psychological Association (APA). In fact, during the school year, teens say their stress level is higher than levels reported by adults in the past month. For teens and adults alike, stress has an impact on healthy behaviors like exercising, sleeping well and eating healthy foods.

The sobering news for parents is that the findings from Stress in America™: Are Teens Adopting Adults’ Stress Habits? suggest that unhealthy behaviors associated with stress may begin manifesting early in people’s lives. “It is alarming that the teen stress experience is so similar to that of adults. It is even more concerning that they seem to underestimate the potential impact that stress has on their physical and mental health,” said Norman Anderson, CEO/executive vice president of APA, in a press release.

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The study found that stress levels during the school year far exceeds what teens believe to be healthy and tops adults’ average reported stress levels. Even during the summer, teens reported their stress during the past month at levels higher than what they believe is healthy. Many teens also report feeling overwhelmed (31 percent) and depressed or sad (30 percent) as a result of stress. More than one-third of teens report fatigue or feeling tired (36 percent) and nearly one-quarter of teens (23 percent) report skipping a meal due to stress.

“Parents and other adults can play a critical role in helping teens get a handle on stress by modeling healthy stress management behaviors,” said Anderson. What can you do to help your teen (or younger child) reduce stress?

1. Don’t overemphasize grades. Yes, doing well in school is important, but much of the time we drill the mantra “get good grades” at the expense of all else. We need to remember that grades don’t matter as much as our child’s health and well being. That grades are only part of the picture of his growing up. That grades can’t replace characteristics like honor and trust and respect and kindness.
2. Don’t project your fears on your kids. Sometimes, it’s our own fear of being labeled a failure as a parent that propels us to push our kids too hard in school, in sports, and at home. When you find yourself becoming too agitated about the results, step back, take a deep breath, and realize that it’s probably your own fear talking.
3. Don’t live your child’s life. This goes along with “don’t project your fears.” We should remember that our children will likely pick a different path than perhaps we would have for them—and that’s okay. It might be a career that we think has no potential or for which they might not be ideally suited. It could be the decision to drop a sport they previously enjoyed. We need to let them live their own lives, no matter what that might look like (with the caveat that we still need to step in when there’s real danger involved or laws being broken).
4. Don’t forget to allow for fun. Sometimes, our teenagers get so involved with classes, college applications, extracurricular activities (for those college applications), that they forget there’s more to life than school. Sometimes, we’re the ones pressuring them to do more homework, more studying, more classes, more volunteering. Make sure you encourage them to have fun, to relax, to do nothing, and to spend time with family and friends.
5. Don’t forget to listen. Teenagers still need parents, and really listening to what they’re saying—and not saying—can clue us in to how they’re handling everything. Much of the time, they act like they can shoulder the world, but in reality, they still need us to help them with boundaries.

Above all, remember that you need to take care not to be constantly stressed, either, as that’s not an example for our children to emulate. Take breaks, pull back, let go, and enjoy your children. Reduce the stress in your own life to help lower the stress in theirs.

Until next time,

Sarah

Be Careful of Burnout

Working from home can sometimes lead to burnout. After all, our office is just steps away from our kitchen and bedroom, so we can get sucked back into work even "after hours." And with the flexibliity of scheduling our own work time, our work hours can extend well beyond a normal workday and spill into family life easily.

BNET recently ran an article listing 7 signs of burnout. Here's a few of the signs.

* You use weekends and vacation for rest and relaxation, not for having fun. If all you want to do is veg out every weekend from work, then you might have a burnout problem.

* You stop work thinking you can't handle another thing. If work is overwhelming you each and every day, you might be burned out.

* You dread going to work. While there will be days when you don't want to work, if you feel that way every day, you might be burned out.

To overcome burn out, focus on fun things in your off time. Don't mope around the house--get out and do something active or with your family and friends. During the day, have mini-breaks that you fill with non-work stress breakers, like brisk walks around the block, sitting in the sunshine for 15 minutes letting your mind wander (it's amazing how that can lift your spirits) or reading a book during lunch.

Hopefully, your burnout won't last long and you can get back on track.

Until next time,

Sarah