Several years ago, I saw an elementary school age girl on
her scooter decked out in knee pads, elbow pads and a helmet. My immediate
reaction was how stifling to have to wear all that equipment for a simple ride
down a straight sidewalk with no hills or turns. Needless to say, my kids ride
their scooters without that safety equipment, but they do wear helmets when
riding their bikes (I’m not totally against all forms of safety!).
Now with warmer temperatures tugging the kids outside, the
tension between parents wanting to protect our children from hurt and the
inevitable scrapes, bruises, bloody knees and bee stings mounts to the point
where we often prevent our children from experiencing discomfort.
More and more evidence is finding that the more we wrap kids
in cotton wool to avoid physical—and emotional—pain, the more harm we’re doing.
Specifically, we’re arresting the development of their ability to cope with
failure.
Several years ago, an article in Psychology Today questioned whether we were raising a nation of
wimps. The story pointed out that playgrounds have all-rubber cushioned
surfaces with no merry-go-rounds with parents play-coaching their children on
the equipment; hand sanitizers accompany kids everywhere, even to school; and
more parents are trying to eliminate failure from their children’s lives.
The result? Kids who lack coping mechanisms for all types of
pain, both physical and mental/emotional. “We learn through experience and we
learn through bad experiences. Through failure, we learn how to cope,” said
child psychologist David Elkind, a Tufts
University
One way we can let our kids experience failure is by letting
them literally fall down. Seriously, a few skinned knees won’t hurt a child,
nor will a broken arm or leg. Sure it will be painful and inconvenient, but it
can also be the best learning experience of their young lives.
I’m not advocating letting your kids do truly dangerous
things, but there’s a wide line between dangerous and Dangerous with a capital
D. The latter should be avoided, but the former is instrumental in childhood.
How else will a child find out how far he can push himself if he’s restricted
to very narrow play parameters?
So as summer gets underway, remember that skinned knees are
an important part of your child’s foundation—and that allowing him to
experience failure will help him soar in later life.
Until next time,
Sarah
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