Merry Christmas!

I will be taking the next two weeks off to spend time with family and friends. Have a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy New Year!

I'll be back with fresh blogs starting January 8.

Until next time,
Sarah

Story for an Absent Father?

Q: Friends and family have informed me that I should have a story to tell my four-year-old daughter about his absent father. Frankly, I’m grateful that he is long gone because of his criminal background and abusive nature. My daughter and I are doing just fine, but recently my daughter said she wondered if there was a daddy for her. I hope never to see her father again, because I would be terrified if he ever showed up. Do I need a father-story for her?

A: Four is the age when kids start noticing differences in families, schools, skin color, etc. So just because she’s notice she doesn’t have a father doesn’t mean she’s upset about it.

As for concocting a story about the missing dad, keep it simple instead. Tell her that some families have fathers that live in the same house and some do not. Her family is one of the ones without a daddy in the home.

Answer any questions about her father with the truth—as much as you can give a four-year-old. Don’t give too much information. If she keeps asking questions that you can’t answer because of her age, just tell her that’s all she needs to know at this point. As she grows up, more questions will come up, and you can answer them as appropriately as possible. However, I would stress that you do not owe her a full explanation at this time or any other time. When your daughter is a grown woman, you may wish to share more details, but that day is long in the future.

One final note: Don’t make a big deal over your daughter’s statements like “I don’t have a daddy.” Your reaction will cue her on how she’s supposed to act. Stay calm and answer matter-of-factly something like “That’s right, some kids don’t.” That should keep her fretting over it to a minimum.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

Reviving the Lost Art of Writing Thank You

As a child, Christmas meant the smell of a fresh pine tree, glittering with lights and ornaments. There was the thrill of anticipation when awakening Christmas morning and heading downstairs to see the pile of presents nestled underneath the tree. Then reality crashed down the day after when my mother handed me a stack of notepaper and envelopes, and sent me to my room to write thank you letters.

She didn’t send me in ill-prepared, as from an early age—as soon as I could write—she taught me what to say in the notes. The basic components haven’t changed, and I’ve been teaching my children how to properly write thank you notes.

·        Start out with a greeting (Dear Aunt Jan)

·        Open with general thanks for the gift (Thank you for the book on knitting)

·        Say a little something about the gift or how you’ll use it (I can’t wait to start knitting a scarf for my doll)

·        Close with gratitude for the present (I appreciate your taking the time to send me such a lovely gift or Thanks again for the knitting book).

For monetary gifts, the only thing that changes is mentioning how you’ll use the funds (and you don’t mention the specific amount).

In our household, I make sure the gifts are thanked with a handwritten note from the older children and a drawing with signature from the younger ones. Thank yous must be written within days of opening the gifts.

And how do I handle the inevitable complaints? With raised eyebrows and saying, “If you can’t write the note, you don’t get the gift.” The kids know I say what I mean and mean what I say, so that’s usually the last peep on the subject.

It might seem old-fashioned in today’s increasingly electronic world to push children to hand-write thank yous, but consider what they learn while doing so:

• Appreciation for the gift and giver
• Legible penmanship
• Letter composition.
• Common courtesy.

I encourage you this holiday season to start a new tradition of writing thank-you notes—and it wouldn’t hurt for Mom and Dad to set the example by writing notes yourself.

Do you make your children write thank you notes after tearing open their holiday gifts? 

Clouding the Issue

Q. My five-year-old daughter played hide and seek with a classmate rather than lining up after recess. The two of them also went in through another door at the school. While I don’t know what consequences happened at school, how should I punish her at home? This isn’t the first time the two of them have made mischief together. On a side note, when I talked to my daughter about this, she began yelling that I said she was dumb, etc. What should I do?

A: I highly recommend leveling a memorable home punishment to nip this behavior in the bud. Confine her to her room, which has only the bare essentials (no toys), directly after school, and move up her bedtime to right after supper. Each time you receive a negative report from school, simply tell you daughter what the teacher said (as a statement, not a question), and send her to her room.

Do not let her cloud the issue with her diversion tactics by screaming about what your supposed name calling. Ignore the drama, and she’ll eventually stop doing that as much. She’ll probably always have a certain amount of dramatic outbursts throughout her life, but you’ll handle them better if you realize she’s angry at the situation she caused. I’d recommend acquiring a sense of humor when it comes to those dramatic statements.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

Good Intentions

During a recent visit with my parents, we all went out to our favorite pizza buffet restaurant, and our four children asked to sit at their own table. We picked a table right beside ours and my husband and I sat with our backs to our children, in order to keep an eye on them.

Near the end of the meal, a woman stopped by our table, obviously upset, to say that, “Someone should tell those girls that it’s not polite to point, make faces and laugh at people.” Somewhat taken aback, I stammered out an apology and then turned to ask the girls what had happened.

The girls in question—ages 9 and 7—vehemently denied having done such a thing, the older one beginning to cry at the accusations. Upon further questioning, it came out that the pair had been engaged in their own storytelling that involved making funny faces and gesturing to the opposite wall, which would have meant those sitting in their path could have misconstrued the situation. Added to their explanation was the fact that we have never seen them behave in such a way toward anyone, we were inclined to believe them. The girls themselves were suitably chastised by the encounter.

But it presented an excellent opportunity to discuss our intentions and how those can be mistaken by others as not good. Their making faces and pointing in public had been misinterpreted by someone as directed at them—and it didn’t paint a flattering picture of the girls’ behavior or character.

We also talked about how the woman must have felt to think they were making fun of her appearance, and how devastated the girls would have felt had they seen someone doing similar things ostensibly about them. Too many times, we forget to talk to our children about trying to avoid the “appearance of evil” in their actions, especially in public or school. While some people will find fault in everything, many times situations like the one discussed in this post could have been avoided if we had curbed our own actions.

It’s a hard lesson to learn, but a vital one that good intentions are not the only thing we need to keep in mind—that we need to have a thought for our fellow man and how our actions might impact him.

Until next time, 

Sarah

Testing Limits

Q: Our four-year-old son is pushing the envelope all the time. For example, when told repeatedly to stop hitting his sister’s chair, he will laugh at us while still slapping the chair. We immediately put him in his room, but when he’s faced with the consequences of his misbehavior, he will throw a tantrum. While I realize his behavior common, I need some tips on how to manage it appropriate and effectively.

A. One of my children tested the limits a lot as a four-year-old, so I get your frustration. I think the Doctor needs to make a house call. In the morning before he’s had a tantrum, tell her that you spoke to the Doctor and he said four-year-olds who throw tantrums aren’t getting enough sleep. Therefore, whenever he has a tantrum, move up dinner to 5 p.m. that evening and put him to bed, lights out, directly after supper. If the tantrum happens after dinner, the child goes immediately to bed.

Also stop telling him more than once to stop doing something. If he isn’t obedient, then to his room he goes, which you have stripped of “play value.” As long as he’s in his room, don’t be concerned if he throws a tantrum.

I’ll close with one final thought: You can do the right thing and the child can still do the wrong thing. Unfortunately, some kids take longer than others to “straighten up and fly right,” so keep on doing what you’re doing.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

Counteracting the Dark Side of Self-Esteem

High self-esteem has been the Holy Grail of childhood achievement for years, with many parents, educators, and child-rearing experts proclaiming its ability to heal all the ills of society. Children were heaped with lots of praise, even for mediocre or failing efforts, and all that positive reinforcement has created a generation of kids who think only of themselves. After all, everyone has told them their entire lives that they are wonderful, practically perfect people.

Even adults have jumped on the high self-esteem bandwagon, with employers doling out kudos for doing the basics on a job, and employees expecting a pat on the back for showing up every day at work. What nobody stopped to think about is how high self-esteem would impact the society as a whole.

When everybody thinks he or she is more important than anyone else—and that’s the result of being fed a steady diet of praise for anything and everything—then the culture suffers. A prime example is the way drivers treat funeral possessions these days.

The Washington Post ran a front-page article today about how motorists cut into the lines of cars with funeral placards, honk at the delay when a possession goes by, and other impatient, I’m-more-important-than-you actions. To me, this shows the low regard others have for being even slightly inconvenienced by waiting for a funeral possession to pass.

How we act when we’re inconvenienced says a lot about how we value others. Are we tapping our foot when the cashier makes a mistake checking us out? Do we roll our eyes and mutter under our breath when someone cuts us off at a light? Have we been guilty of expressing our displeasure when our late arrival to an appointment means we have to wait longer? Do we treat customer service personnel—in person, on the phone or on live chats—with respect and courtesy, no matter the interaction?

When these incidents happen in front of our kids, what does that show them? That we’re the most important people in the world, and therefore deserve special treatment from others. And if everyone believes that, lives their lives that way, we will soon have a society filled with rude, demanding and awful people.

With Christmas coming in a few short weeks, let us all make a commitment to leave behind the babble of high self-esteem, and focus instead on being the best spouse, parent, neighbor, resident and citizen we can possibly be.

Let’s show our children that serving others brings joy and happiness, not just to the person being served, but to the those doing the serving.

Let’s commit to being more concerned with humbleness and respect for others than feeling good about ourselves at all costs.

Let’s live the Golden Rule—Do unto others as you would have them do unto you—each day, and encourage our children to do the same.

Let’s all make a commitment to make this holiday season one that not all about what we will receive and what others can do for us, but about what we can give and do for others.

Let’s take the focus off of us and our wants, needs, desires, feelings, and put it on others, showering our families, friends, co-workers, teachers, neighbors and fellow Americans of all shapes, sizes and color.

Light the light of humbleness and respect for others in your own hearts, and watch as your light glows in the lives of those with which you come in contact.

Do Not Disturb the Family Peace

Over the summer, as I was writing in the downstairs office, I heard a ruckus upstairs. Sounds of screaming that didn’t sound quite so happy. With four children between the ages of 4 and 10, one gets used to a certain amount of loudness, but my mother’s radar detected something different in these sounds.

I followed the source to my girls’ room, where the 10-year-old was attempting to drag the 9-year-old out of the room because she “wanted her room to herself.” Never mind that the room was both of theirs, she wanted to be alone. I separated the pair for a cooling off period, thinking that a 10-year-old was a little too young to pull a Greta Garbo.

Sibling conflict can be overwhelming, especially when you have a mix of ages and genders. Most of the time, my children do play well together with a minimum of fuss. But it’s inevitable that conflict will raise its ugly head at times. Through in the holidays, with all the excitement and anticipation, and things can go south in a hurry.

The way you as a parent handle sibling clashes can help—or hinder—how your children interact with each other. Here’s how we handle sibling clashes.

We decided that we would not play referee. It was not our job to intervene when the wailing started out of sight. We would not judge who was right and who was wrong. No assigning roles of victim or villain for us. If we happened to actually see the wrongdoing, that was another thing. But we would not participate after the fact in their disagreements. We would give kisses, but would not encourage tattling.

To enforce this, we created a chart and stuck it to the refrigerator. Titled “Do Not Disturb the Family Peace,” the chart outlined what would earn every child a ticket:

1. Keep it down. (Do not become too boisterous or noisy.)
2. No hurting each other. (Do not hit, punch, push or otherwise maim your siblings.)
3. No tattling. (Do not become a snitch on your siblings.)

Clipped to the fridge beside this chart are three tickets, pieces of laminated paper. For each infraction, the entire group loses one ticket. If all three tickets are lost, the entire group goes directly to their rooms for the rest of the day and directly to bed after supper.

This eliminates the problem of trying to figure out what happened. It doesn’t really matter who was at fault, does it? What this system is doing is putting the resolution of conflict onto the children, where it belongs.

When I hear the kids going at it hammer and tongs, I simply walk up, say they are disturbing the family peace and directed one to get a ticket. No arguing, no drama. Then I leave.

So far, in the months we’ve had this system in place, they have yet to lose all three tickets. And if they do, I’ll enjoy a nice day without kids underfoot, and a more relaxing evening with my husband.

Now, would it be terrible of me to wish they would lose all three tickets one day….?

Until next time,
Sarah

Potty Training Regression

Q: My 2 ½-year-old son has been completely potty trained since 23 months. However, recently, he has started peeing and popping in his pants. We stayed the course for a few months, but the accidents kept getting more frequent. Plus, his temper tantrums about using the potty became terrible. We put him back in pull-ups, and now he goes in his pull-ups all the time. I think we’ve set a very bad precedent by reverting to pull-ups, but I’m at a loss at how to start over.

A: It’s time to go cold turkey on the pull-ups. By that I mean, take every pull-up out of the house and throw them away immediately. Then begin his toilet-training rehabilitation. Pump him full of liquids and give him a high fiber diet to get things moving along. Then put him in the bathroom with a few toys and some books, and tell him he can come out after he uses the potty. Once he’s had success, he can play until the potty bell dings (set a kitchen timer to go off every hour at least, during which time you’re making sure he’s drinking lots of water).

When the bell dings, it’s back to the bathroom again until he uses the potty properly. Any “on-purposes” outside of the bathroom ensure a return to the bathroom. Don’t let his temper tantrums derail you. Things will likely get worse before they get better, so stay the course.

One other note: All four of my children had one “relapse” period months after being fully potty-trained. In my opinion, the child becomes more involved in what she’s doing to be bothered with going to the bathroom in time to avoid “on purposes.”

To solve the problem, I simply told the child to go to the bathroom when I saw the dance, leveling consequences when she refused. If the child had an “on-purpose,” I confined her to her room for the rest of the day and straight to bed after an early dinner. A few days of that cured the problem, and she’ll be back to using the potty again on his own.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

The Good Mother

I’m a terrible mother.

Before you call social services and report me, no, I don’t beat or starve my children, but there are days when I fall way short of today’s definition of a good mother. I don’t spend a lot of time with my children (and often think that’s okay). I don’t correct their homework (and have no intention of doing so). At times, I get annoyed when they interrupt me. I sometimes yell at them when they frustrate me (like spilling milk on the table I just cleaned).

How many times have I not paid attention to what a child was saying because my attention was on my email? How many times do I pack my day with too much work and end up too tired to play a game or read a story to them before bed?

We as mothers and women have a tendency to set the bar so high, it’s nigh on impossible to reach. We tell ourselves that if we don’t bake the cookies from scratch, or don’t pay close enough attention to the babblings of the 2-year-old, or don’t fill-in-the-blank, our children will not be happy, healthy, or have a good life.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But how many of us have had similar thoughts dance through our minds, along with the accompanying guilt at not being a good enough mother? I sure have, even though I try very hard not to.

Then there’s the inevitable comparisons with other mothers. Even when we’re not consciously thinking about how other women parent, it can seep into our minds in the blink of an eye.

Here’s an example of what I mean: When my oldest was a toddler, we went to the park on one of the first warm spring days. She had on a short-sleeved shirt probably for the first time that year. As we walked to the playground, I looked around at the other mothers who were arriving with their children. Nearly every one of them had whipped out a tube of sunscreen and was slathering their child’s face and arms with the stuff. My daughter looked at me and asked if she needed sunscreen. I told her no and to go play, but in that moment, I felt like a bad mother, one who sends her defenseless child out into the sunny world with no sunscreen.

Other times this feeling has cropped up for me includes being the mom without the first aid kit at the playground and another mom has to lend you a Band-aid to bandage your child’s bloody knee. Or giving my kids a non-organic, not-too-healthy snack when other moms have artfully arranged carrot sticks and hummus.

If we fall into this mindset that we are not good enough mothers, that our parenting styles and family life is not up to par with the rest of the world—and as a result our children will not be able to fulfill their great destinies— then we will miss out on a lot of the joys of childhood.

We also will miss out on the laughter and the pain, the joys and the sorrows, the average grades and the missed goals. And those lessons learned from not being perfect, from seeing how we as mothers handle life’s disappointments, and from enjoying life to its fullest whatever our circumstances, are priceless.

It’s not being the perfect mother that our children will love us for—it’s being the best mother we can be for them. That won’t look good some days, but if we turn our backs on measuring ourselves to an impossible standard, we can have more good days than bad.

It took me several years to come to terms that I wasn’t a great mother by certain standards. And there are times when I slip and start to obsess about how I’m not a good mother. But most of the time, I aim to be a good enough mother, and so far, it’s been a good one for my four children.

Until next time,

Sarah

Happy Thanksgiving Week!

This week of Thanksgiving, I'm taking time off from my blog to enjoy some time with my family. I hope you will take time to think about the things that matter most this holiday--family and friends.

For ideas on how to have a thankful heart, read my article "Thankfulness for Thanksgiving," published last year on Crosswalk.com. It's a message we all need, especially this time of year.

Until next time,
Sarah

Moving Anxiety

Q: We sold our house a few weeks ago, and since then, our three-year-old has been crying a lot at preschool, which she attends three days a week. This is a change from the first of the year, when she shed a few tears at drop off. Now she cries as soon as we leave the house and doesn’t stop. She’s been telling the teacher that she has to throw up or needs to go potty, and ends up spending a significant amount of time in the restroom. Her behavior is disrupting the class.

We’ve tried to be supportive of her during this time. Our doctor said she was experiencing anxiety from having to move. How should we handle this?

A: It sounds like you’ve been a bit too supportive. When your daughter is calm, tell her that you will be taking a new approach to her crying over the house being sold. Say she has 10 minutes in which to express her feelings on the matter. Set a kitchen timer for 10 minutes and let her cry, fuss or whatever for that time period. Then tell her that the matter is closed. When she cries excessively (anything over a couple of minutes) at preschool, ask the teachers to call you and you’ll come get her. Once back home, she goes to her room (striped of play value) for the rest of the day. If she cries at home, send her to her room or a special “crying place,” such as the powder room.

Your daughter has figured out, inadvertently, that her crying gets her lots of attention. The more she cries, the more upset and anxious and solicitous the adults around her get. In other words, she’s become addicted to the attention and so she cries for long periods of time to get the attention she’s craving.

As with all temper tantrums, she’s the only one who can end the cycle. But she needs help to do so. Start by treating any tears from her without emotion to avoid validating her tears. Simply point her to her crying place for her to go to get control of herself. When she’s stopped crying, she can come out. Above all, don’t ask her why she’s crying—at this point, she very likely can’t remember or doesn’t know. It’s become a habit and like with all habits, it can be broken with consistent, unemotional support from you. This will likely take a few days or a week, but by treating her tears as something she can control, you will help her get over this hump.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

Melting Away Meltdowns

Sometimes, you read an advice column that makes you wonder if they really mean what they said. That happened to me last week when I read a parenting advice column in my local newspaper. The reader question involved the behavior of four-year-old twin girls. One girl is sweet and good-natured, while the other one has daily meltdowns. The reader wanted to know the best way to handle the temper tantrums when the one child didn’t get her way.

The answer, from a parenting expert who has been dishing out advice for years now, started out on the right foot, with recommending that the mother stop whacking the child with a belt to the legs whenever the child had a meltdown. But then the expert veered off into psychobabble territory by telling the mother that the child probably has “one of those hard-to-spot physical problems that make children’s behavior go haywire.”

The expert went on to send the mother on a wild goose chase to see what component of the child’s diet might be triggering these meltdowns. Is she hypoglycemic? Lactose intolerant? Allergic to foods with salicylates? While the mother rushes around trying to figure out what foods could be causing her child’s outbursts, the child morphs into a victim of her diet and her tantrums continue unabated.

What the expert doesn’t seem to grasp is that nothing causes children to misbehave—they are wired that way from birth, like all of us. Part of our jobs as parents is to force the child to see the errors of his ways and reform the little criminals into responsible citizens of the family and community.

By repurposing this child’s behavior into something she is not responsible for--if it’s caused by what she eats, then changing her diet should fix her tantrums. Unfortunately, the mother will find that even if she tries all these different diets, her daughter’s outbursts will continue and probably get worse.

I would have advised the mother to designate a special tantrum place in the house, such as an unused room (like a guest bedroom) or downstairs powder room. When the girl started to have a meltdown, simply direct her (with a helping hand, if needed) to the tantrum room and tell her to have her tantrum there. When she’s finished, she can come out. It will probably get worse before it gets better, but consistent and unemotional application of removing the child from the center of attention to a place where nobody’s watching her tantrum will cure her of her meltdowns. While she will still have them occasionally—because some children seem more prone to those than others—she will gain mastery of herself and the mother will have a more peaceful house.

The Myth of Free Time

This year, all four of my children are in school, albeit not all full-time (my youngest is in a three-day preschool program). Whenever this comes up in conversation, the enviable response is, “What will you do with all of your free time?”

Ah, free time—that mythical land to which every mother longs to go. As someone who currently works part-time from home, I rarely had free time before this school year began. My life really hasn't changed much since the children are in school, although I do get errands done a bit quicker.

I think the bigger question is what does this say about the current view of mothering. My mother stayed at home, but her time wasn’t consumed by doing for—or entertaining—me. Sure, household chores ate up some time, but once we were older than three, time spent in childcare dropped considerably for women of my mother’s generation.

That kind of mothering has fallen out of favor, and with it the rise of no time, free or otherwise. I am grateful for my mother’s example, for it gives me the fortitude to follow in her footsteps. Direct care of my children has lessened as they age; correspondingly, time I spend taking care of the household has also dropped as the children have picked up more of the cleaning chores.

In turn, that has allowed me to pick up some of the things that I put on hold when the children first arrived: reading, writing, knitting and sewing, for example.

I’m enjoying a quieter house, and I have plenty with which to fill my suddenly “free time” since my time has always been mine to fill. I’ll take the 24 hours given to us each day and try to use it wisely, like I've always done.

Until next time,

Sarah

Accidental Apologies

Q: I think our 12-year-old son may be jealous over a girl classmate’s desire to be around one of his friends. In the classroom, she wants to be his partner or in the group with my son’s friend. I don't think my son “likes” her because he finds girls very annoying right now, and his behavior supports it.

On the playground, she wants to play football with the boys, but ends up standing in the middle and doing nothing. The playground teacher makes the boys throw every third pass to the two girls, while there can be 15 boys. My son threw a football to a friend, whose fingertips it went off and hit the girl in the face. We were told our son said, “That’s what happens to ugly girls.” Later, our son told us that he didn’t say that, only that he thought of her as a “teacher’s pet.”

I meet with her parents, teacher, and children tomorrow at school, probably with the principal and school counselor, too. What can I do to help our son? I want to be supportive, of course, to our son, even if he's made some unwise choices. I want to give him some tools to deal with others’ comments about himself. He's dyslexic, so there's a confidence issue with schooling.

A. My initial thought is this is building a mountain out of molehill, but I suspect you probably didn't have a choice in regard to school meeting. Whether or not your son likes the girl is not relevant to this situation. Likewise is the fact that he may or may not be jealous.

Those are clouding the issue and should be avoided because the “why” something happened is not nearly as important as the “what” happened. This is contrary to a lot of talk today by professionals, so be prepared to stick to the “what happened” in the meeting and steer away as much as possible from the “why did this happen” discussion (and it's near cousin, the why did he do that or why did she react that way).

The best way you can help your son is to ensure he takes responsibility for his actions. He hit the girl with the football and said something not nice to her (true or not, others think he did, so he should own it. Yes, it's not fair, but frankly, it's how life is sometimes).

Come up with what you would have him do to make amends. I’d recommend a verbal apology to the girl, plus having him hand-write in legible script a longer, formal letter of apology to the girl. Bring the letter to the meeting. If this is an out-of-the-blue type of situation, that might be enough of a consequence, as he’s likely to be extremely embarrassed by having to do those two apologies.

If you think this might be a pattern, then level home consequences for his actions, too, i.e., some sort of meaningful restriction, like removing electronics and/or limiting his interaction with the outside world for a time--in other words, make it matter a whole lot to him, not something token. Implement said restriction immediately.

In the near future (once this has had a few days to settle down), you can talk with him in brief spurts (or have your husband do so) about walking away from situations where he feels his self control loosening, about counting to 30 in his head, about replacing mean thoughts about a person with positive or affirming ones, etc. I have a daughter who I work with on occasion on this issue, as she tends to flare up like a tornado when she's frustrated, and it does help to remind her what to do when she feels that way--but only when she's not feeling that way. Avoid over-lecturing, though. Say what you want to say in as few words as possible, then stop talking:) That will sink in more than a long discussion.

One final thought: his dyslexia has nothing to do with his actions, so I'd keep that out of the discussion here as it will only muddy the waters.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

Lessons From Russia Ball

There’s a game I played often as a child called Russia Ball. You could play by yourself or with friends. The basic game followed a set of 10 tasks, such as throwing up the ball and clapping three times before catching it, that the player completed in order. You added an extra bounce with each of the tasks to make it harder.

For Russia Ball, adding bounces of the ball to the various tasks often resulted in wild misses and gales of laughter. In our own lives, we sometimes add too much and the resulting mess is nothing at which to laugh.

At the end of the day, I often wonder how so many things conspired to go wrong or at least not the way I had planned. Most times, I can trace it back to my making things unnecessarily complicated. Kind of like adding to many bounces to the Russia Ball game when you should just stick to the basics.

A recent Monday was a prime example of that. I had my lengthy to-do list for the day and knew what I thought I needed to accomplish. Then one of my daughters needed to go to the doctor, and we all know what a big chunk of the day that will take. In my case, it took two hours plus: travel to and from doctor’s office, wait time at doctor’s office, office visit with doctor, wait for prescription from doctor, delivery of child to school and chat with school nurse about medication, and stop by pharmacy to pick up prescription. Oh, and did I mention I’d have to go back to the pharmacy tomorrow because the cream was not in stock? Add to that Monday’s early dismissal from school, plus piano lessons afterschool, and my available time for “my” tasks just shrunk in half.

But on that Monday, I managed to remember about halfway through the day that this is what God wanted for me this day. These hassles were what I needed today, that I needed more than performing my “Russia Ball” list of things. And Monday turned out to be a better day than it could have been if I had let myself stay in the frustration that had enveloped me early on.

Does it always turn out as well as my Monday ended up? For me, no! I fail more than I succeed in remembering that complications are often my own doing and if I would submit more to God, I would have less of the frustrations and more of the peace.

As I hear my girls laughing and the slap, slap of the ball as they play Russia Ball, I remind myself once again of the joys of less complicated life.

If you want directions for playing Russia Ball, send me an email through the contact page form.

Until next time,

Sarah 

Tell Me No Lies

Q: My daughter receives extra credit for bringing in Campbell’s Soup labels. I sent her to school with two in a bag but found the bag later on with the labels still inside. She showed me her extra credit pass, so I know her teacher gave her credit. But I also know she couldn’t have turned in the labels she swore she took to school. I sent her to her room until she tells me the truth and confesses to her teacher. Did I do the right thing?

A: All children lie at one time or another. The best way to help your children not to lie is to avoid asking them questions to which you know the answer. To wit, you knew she had not taking the extra credit paper to school. Therefore, act accordingly.

Don’t give her a chance to lie by asking her about the labels, just proceed as if she had told you the truth. She didn’t turn in the labels, and so her extra credit was not received legitimately. Now you must decide on a punishment, which I would make sure invokes the Agony Principle (parents should not agonize over anything a child does or fails to do if the child his perfectly capable of agonizing over it herself, from John Rosemond’s The Well-Behaved Child) ”

Her punishment should include a handwritten note of apology to her teacher. And tell her that you’ll follow up with her teacher to make sure she receives it. My article “Why Do Children Lie?” explores lying and kids in more detail.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

Rediscover Your Calling

Tomorrow, I will be speaking at the Manassas, Va., MOPS group on "Rediscovering Your Calling." The talk will encompass how to figure out your talents and what to do with them once they're identified.

Until next time,
Sarah

To Trick or Treat--or Not

For many Christians, Halloween can be the trickiest holiday of all. Where some see ghosts and goblins, others see candy and fun. Growing up in southern Virginia, I went trick-or-treating for several years before my parents came to know Christ. Then it was salvation tracks and candy for a year or two, followed by church-sponsored Harvest Festivals.

Today, we accompany our children, who wear non-scary costumes (no witches, vampires, etc.), around the neighborhood knocking on doors. We've met many neighbors, and found a spirit of community in the blocks around our house. It's also excellent practice for our kids to say "thank you" and "please" to adults (we ask that they also look the adult in the eye).

For more reasons why Halloween can a good experience, check out my article, "A Tricky Holiday."

Until next time,

Sarah

Stop Potty Training Once It's Begun?

Q: I started potty training my 28-month-old son, but he doesn’t seem interested at all. Sometimes he’ll go on the potty, and sometimes he won’t. He’s starting to resist my efforts to put him on the toilet. I read a book that suggested I should stop potty training once I’ve started if the child wasn’t “ready.” Should I stop and if so, when should I try again?

—Potty Training Trauma

A: More and more parents are becoming paralyzed by toilet training. Before disposable diapers became the norm, 90% of U.S. kids were successfully using the toilet on their own by age 24 months, according to a Harvard study. Nowadays, a mere 4% of children that age are potty trained.

Toilet training has nothing to do with a child’s “readiness.” You as a parent should be the one who sets the potty-training time table. John Rosemond’s excellent book Toilet Training Without Tantrums succinctly outlines how to do it, but here’s the short version he calls Naked and $75. I used this method to train all four of my children and found it to be easy to implement and it made potty training much less stressful.

Basically, you strip the child down below the waist and set up a small potty in the room you use the most. Show him the potty and tell him that he’s now expected to put his pee and poop into the potty.

Then you pump him full of liquids (water preferably) and give him a high-fiber breakfast to get things moving. Set a kitchen timer to go off every half hour or so, and tell him when it dings, that means it’s time to sit on the potty. Remind him what to do when the timer goes off, but don’t hover or sit with him or watch him. Let him attend to his “business” while you attend to yours.

Finally, expect accidents. Just like a child spills milk when learning to drink from a cup, he will pee on the floor when he’s learning to use the potty. Have him help you clean it up and don’t make a big deal out of it. By keeping calm and projecting confidence in his ability to use the toilet, he’ll soon be using the potty on his own. Yes, it really can be that easy.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

Cry Baby

Letting babies cry it out when going to sleep isn't harmful, according to a new study by a group of Australian researchers. In a recent Wall Street Journal article "Letting Babies Cry a Bit is OK," babies who cry themselves to sleep incur no long-term psychological harm. The study didn't follow parents who allowed babies to cry for long periods of time, but instead followed parents who either frequently checked on the babies when crying or sat in the room with the infants and gradually lessened the amount of time spent in the room.

The long-term and short-term benefits of children falling asleep by themselves can benefit more than just the child. Families of children who sleep well generally have fewer problems overall. "In the short term, the infants and parents get more sleep," said Judith A. Owens, director of sleep medicine at Children's National Medical Center. "A well-rested parent is going to be a better parent in the daytime."

We generally let our children cry for a bit, usually about 10 minutes or so, before checking on them. That worked well, because nine times out of 10, the child had fallen asleep before the 10 minutes ended. An excellent resource for parents wanting sleep guidance is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. This was the book that helped us solve many a sleep problem--and now all four of our children are usually good sleepers.

Until next time,

Sarah

Bad to the Bone

Babies exude innocence. After all, they are quite helpless, needing someone to feed, change, dress and do a host of other things for them.

But contrary to popular wisdom, babies are not all sweetness and light—they are, frankly, bad. They can’t help it because they—and everyone else—are born that way. It’s hard to look at your baby and think of him as a heathen in every since of the world.

Especially as mothers, we learn early on how to differentiate our baby’s cry, classifying it as hungry, sleepy, unhappy and angry. And boy, do babies get angry sometimes. They might not have words to express their angst, but they certainly have a good set of lungs and can fill the air with their angry cries.

I’ve always been amazed by parents who persist in viewing their children as angels who have to be taught to be disobedient, to steal, to lie, to cheat, to do bad things.

If you’re still not convinced, just think about your children when they were toddlers. Did you go around teaching them to scream and throw things when they didn’t get their way? Did you teach them to smack you in the face when they were angry? Did someone teach them to take toys away from other children and hit those kids over the head when they protested?

No one has to teach children to be bad—their sinful hearts can handle that task just fine. It’s our job as parents to teach them how to overcome their bad tendencies. In other words, to civilize them.

As parents, it’s much easier to get past our children’s misbehaviors and to the correction, or civilizing, if we cease to be shocked that they are behaving badly. Nothing our children do should ever surprise us—everything that’s in our own hearts are in theirs as well, and they generally lack the filters that we wear.

If we start every day reminding ourselves that our children are sinners just like we are, we will be able to react to misbehaviors in a more godly manner, and less feeling that we’re to blame for their badness.

Knowing that our children suffer from the same forms of heart sickness that we do goes a long way in helping us understand them. It also can help us stay the course in correcting their misbehaviors as we help them learn self control and to get along with others.

Our children might have been born bad to the bone, but the good news is they don’t have to stay that way. 

Homework Takes Over

Q: My daughter takes a long time doing homework after school. She’s in the fifth grade, and her teacher says the assignments should only take 45 minutes to an hour. My daughter’s at the table for upwards of 90 minutes, sometimes even two hours. She does have the tendency to be perfect in everything, and I’ve seen her erase and redo math problems to get the numbers just right. The teacher says she’s capable of doing the work, but having her pour over her work for so long is really eating into her play time and other activities. Help!

—Trapped in Homework Land

A: It sounds like your daughter needs help learning how to manage her time. If her teacher says the work shouldn’t take her longer than an hour, then that should be the amount of time allowed to complete the work. Set a timer for an hour when your daughter starts her homework. Tell her that when the timer dings, she is finished with her homework, whether the work is complete or not. Yes, that might mean she doesn’t get a good grade on that assignment, but she needs to take responsibility for her own homework. Part of homework is learning how to manage your time, and only your daughter can figure out how to get her work done in the allotted time.

One final thought: Let the teacher know you are trying this approach and that you expect the teacher to give your daughter the grade she deserves on the homework turned in, whether it’s completed or not. You certainly don’t want the teacher to give your daughter extra time in class to finish what should have been done at home, or that will defeat the purpose, which is to help her with time management.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

Why Self-Control Matters

Teaching children self-control has fallen out of favor in our society as a whole these days. But I've been heartened to hear about more studies that tout the benefits of self-mastery.

I explore the why and how to teach self-discipline in my article, "Master of Oneself." I encourage you to take a look and start yourself and your children on the path to self-control.

Until next time,

Sarah

Merry-Go-Round: Old Fashioned Fun

With delightful weather department, we’ve been visiting playgrounds recently. On one visit, for nearly the entire half hour or so we were there, my three oldest children played on one piece of equipment: the merry-go-round. Laughter, squeals of pretend terror, sheer joy on the faces of the children hanging on for dear life as other kids ran as fast as they could in the grooved circle—what could be a better picture of childhood?

Nearly every non-preschooler who came to the playground made a beeline directly for the merry-go-round. I sat on a nearby bench and watched the interplay between the kids, and was heartened to see everyone getting along. Chants of “Push us, push us,” were answered by someone leaping off and racing around. When my youngest son (age 3) got on and then decided he wanted off shortly after the rotations began, a kid yelled, “Stop, someone wants to get off,” and they slowed to allow my son to slid off.

What other piece of equipment can teach children how to get along with one another better than a merry-go-round? There’s so many life lessons to be learned while spinning until you’re dizzy.

But we adults have over-reacted to the merry-go-round’s potential harm by suing playground equipment manufacturers, and cities and schools that had parks with merry-go-rounds installed. Sure some kids have gotten hurt on merry-go-rounds, but what I find more disturbing is our increasing desire to wrap our children in cotton wool to avoid any booboos or skinned knees (hence the tendency to make them wear knee and elbow pads while bike riding or rollerblading).

No one wants our children to get hurt psychically, and we should put a stop to obviously dangerous things. On the other hand, giving children the freedom to spread their wings and fly around the world on a merry-go-round can be wonderful to their own development.

Let them see the world outside is to be explored and conquered, not feared and avoided. Let them experience the joys and pains of mastering things like bike riding and monkey bars. Let them view the world from a different perspective by climbing trees or hanging upside from the swing set.

Sure, you might have to stock up on band-aids and kiss a few more hurts, but if you can resist the urge to place your children inside a bubble, you might just find out that they are tougher than you think. Hearing your children describe their outdoor adventures can be a priceless experience in itself.

So keep the cotton wool safely tucked away, and go find a park with a merry-go-round, but I’d avoid jumping on board unless you have a stomach of iron. Some things are better left to the kids. 

Until next time,

Sarah

Not Staying in Bed

Q: My husband and I want some alone time in the evenings, but our preschooler keeps coming out of his room after being tucked in for the night. How can we get him to stay in his room after lights out?

--Bedtime Blues

A: We had this problem when our youngest, who shared a room with his older brother, transitioned to a toddler bed from his crib. We reserved the lock on the door (unlocking it before we went to bed), and that worked. But here’s a gentler solution to your dilemma.

After putting your child in bed, hang a plastic play necklace on the inside doorknob of his room. Then tell him that the necklace means he can get out of his bed and room. But, if he does, he must bring you the necklace and then he can ask a question, share some news, get a drink of water, go to the bathroom, etc.

Then back in bed he goes but this time, do not rehang the necklace. Now, if he gets up, he can’t give you the necklace and therefore, he incurs a two-fold penalty. First, he doesn’t get to play with his favorite toy the next day. Second, tomorrow’s bedtime is moved up to directly after supper. The following night, when you put him to bed—no matter what time—put the necklace on the doorknob and follow the same instructions.

A couple of things might happen. Your son might have no interest whatsoever in the necklace and get out of bed a bunch of times the first few nights. However, a few days of not playing with his favorite toy and several nights with an early bedtime should cure him of getting out of bed more than once. And I think that you could probably live with one time out of bed.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

Land the Helicopter

Helicopter parenting might make a good punch line to many a joke, but the reality is, hovering around your child can set him or her up for a lifetime of problems, especially for teen or recent high school graduate. A new study published in the Journal of Adolescence finds that helicopter parenting is what causes a child to skip class or turn in school projects late.

"It would seem that emerging adults should be personally invested in their own growth and development by solving their own problems with roommates, making their own decisions about employment, and seeking their own help from professors," the study authors wrote. "By not doing so, emerging adults may be robbing themselves of the experiences and practice necessary to develop skills that are essential for success in marriage, careers, and adult social interactions."

Imagine that: making important decisions for your teen stymies their ability to actually make those decisions and grow up into successful adults. While it might seem to make sense to take charge of your child's life as a youngster, the wisest course would be to step back and allow the child to stand on his own two feet as early as possible. You might just find you enjoy life more on the ground than in the air.

Until next time,

Sarah

Stepping Back, Not Forward

You’re on the playground and your five-year-old son pushes another boy down while playing a game of tag. You see children being children, no harm done; the other mother sees a playground bully preying on her child.

As any mother can attest, situations like the one above are fraught with drama. If you’re the mother of the pusher, you can feel judged and embarrassed. If you’re the mother of the pushee, you can feel angry and scared for your child’s wellbeing.

That scenario happened to me earlier this week, with my son being the one who pushed another child down while playing a game with a group of boys, all around the same age. Boys of a certain age tend to be play a bit rough. None of the boys were being mean or vicious—and I keep a close eye on my two boys to ensure their play does not stray into that territory. I know my oldest son can get carried away with his play and become too rough, and I try to nip that tendency in the bud.

I feel in general that we as parents, and particularly as mothers, have become oversensitive about our expectations for our children’s behavior and the behavior of other children. With the pushing incident, I felt the other mother wanted me to discipline my child for something I wasn’t even sure he had done. The other mother was visibly upset and angry, even though her son was back playing as if nothing had happened.

Sometimes, we strive too hard to please everyone with our parenting—and that can lead to us to make mistakes and not parent effectively. Sometimes, it’s harder to let children be children, and to let them work through their own squabbles without interfering.

My goal with my children has been to be as hands-off as possible, to let them figure things out on their own whenever possible, to train them how to resolve conflicts as they grow (and with siblings, there’s plenty of opportunity for that!), and to just be kids. Allowing our kids the chance to grow in their own can be a beautiful thing. That doesn’t mean we turn them completely loose, or that we ignore bad behavior, but that we step back from them more often than we step forward into their lives.

And keeping a little perspective on the playground, helps, too.

Until next time,

Sarah

Playing After Dark

Q: We have started making our three-year-old son spend his time outs in his bedroom where he has some toys. Do we remove the toys, or just make it clear that he shouldn’t play with the toys while he is in timeout?

This same dilemma resurfaces at bedtime. We’ll go through our entire routine (bath, brush teeth, read books, etc.), tuck him in, and then hear him playing with his blocks 30 minutes later! I am not opposed to him playing quietly, but I don’t know if he legitimately cannot sleep or if the idea of playing after we say lights out is what keeps him awake longer.

A: If you’re using his bedroom as a time out consequence for misbehavior, you should remove either all or most of the toys. Some kids have so many toys in their room, going there as a punishment doesn't have much of an impact. You want the time out to be effective, to make an impression, otherwise, you'll be disciplining for the same thing over and over again. No one--not the parent and not the kid--wants to experience that.

About playing in his room after lights out: Unless you feel that he's not getting enough sleep (cranky the next day, etc.), if he's not bothering anyone and stays in his room, then let him play once he goes to bed. If he plays quietly for half an hour and doesn't come out of his room, then count yourself lucky. It sounds like he falls asleep on his own later. After all, the bedtime is not for the child--it's for the parents to get some grown-up time without the children.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah through the contact page with Parenting Question in the subject line.

When Siblings Fight

Ever wonder how to handle sibling fights? I explore ways to help parents and brothers and sisters live in more or less in harmony in my article, "Why Can't They Just Get Along?," on Crosswalk.com.

Find out how to stop most conflicts from escalating and how to create an atmosphere of peace instead of discourse in your home.

Until next time,

Sarah

A New Focus

Starting today, I will be changing the focus of this blog, switching from work-from-home issues to parenting as part of my recent certification as a Leadership Parenting Coach through the John Rosemond Leadership Parenting Institute. I plan on blogging Tuesdays (general thoughts or observations on parenting), Wednesdays (interesting articles relating to child rearing) and Thursdays (answering reader questions about parenting). If you have a parenting issue or topic you would like to see covered, drop me a line through the contact page on this site.

I have enjoyed these years talking with you about working from home and hope you will support my new endeavor by dropping by sometimes.

Until next time,

Sarah

Work-From-Home Job Spotlight: Computer Network Engineer

Each Thursday, I’m highlighting a work-from-home job or business.

Job Description: A computer network engineer is one who manages the information technology hardware and infrastructure for businesses, organizations and governments.

Education: Bachelor’s degree preferred, although some companies require post-graduate work or degrees as well.

Skills: The ability to monitor a network’s day-to-day operations, as well as organize, install and support a company’s computer networks.

Job outlook: U.S. Department of Labor’s Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) finds that “employment of network and computer systems administrators is expected to grow 28 percent from 2010 to 2020, faster than the average for all occupations. Demand for these workers is high and should continue to grow as firms invest in newer, faster technology and mobile networks..” Check out the BLS Occupational Outlook Handbook for more details.

Possible employers: Think outside organizations or big businesses and target small businesses, such as restaurants and boutique retailers.

Preparation: Join the Association for Computing Machinery or the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers Computer Society. Both groups offer certification and continuing education courses.

Get your foot in the door: Call area nonprofits to see about work for a reduced rate for a referral or letter of recommendation.

Testimony: Jenny A. in Aliso Viejo, Calif., worked around 10 hours a week managing the IT hardware and infrastructure for a local quickservice chicken restaurant chain. It was hard for her to make time during the day for work instead of letting it pile up each evening. “It’s difficult at times to deal with the constant pull in so many directions—mother, wife, job—and still find time to take care of yourself,” says Jenny. “But I loved being home with my kids.”

Until next time,

Sarah

Avoiding E-Newsletter Errors

Having an e-newsletter can be a great way to connect and communicate with customers. But avoid these simple mistakes from "Oh No You Didn't: 3 Major Email Newsletter Mistakes" from SCORE Small Business Blog to ensure your e-newsletter doesn't end up in the circular file.

1. Making it look like spam. Most people, when getting email that they don't recognize, just delete it, figuring it's spam. Keep your headline catchy but informative. Make sure you send it from a real person to avoid getting blocked. Allow for easy opt-outs.

2. Don't build your list by purchasing email addresses. Do gather emails through your website, direct contact and through other sites. Purchased lists can backfire when recipients get annoyed with unsolicited mail.

3. Don't forget about the design. Either keep it clean or make sure the design fits the content. Don't put in too many graphics or too much copy.

You can sign up for my free e-newsletter by filling out the online form under the newsletter tab.

Until next time,

Sarah

Work-From-Home Job Spotlight: Inpatient/Outpatient Coder

Each Thursday, I’m highlighting a work-from-home job or business.

Job Description: An inpatient/outpatient coder enters specific codes for hospital and doctor visits for health insurance companies, hospitals and doctor offices.

Education: A degree as a health information technician a plus. Many employers require certification through the Commission on Accreditation for Health Informatics and Information Management.

Skills: The ability to correctly code inpatient and outpatient medical visits.

Job outlook: U.S. Department of Labor’s Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) finds that “employment of medical records and health information technicians is expected to increase by 21% from 2010 to 2020, faster than the average for all occupations. The demand for health services is expected to increase as the population ages. An aging population will need more medical tests, treatments, and procedures. This will also mean more claims for reimbursement from private and public insurance. Additional records, coupled with widespread use of electronic health records by all types of healthcare providers, should lead to an increased need for technicians to organize and manage the associated information in all areas of the healthcare industry.” Check out the BLS Occupational Outlook Handbook for more details.

Possible employers: Contact area hospitals, doctors, specialists and other outpatient facilities to see about gaining work.

Preparation: Join the Professional Association of Health Coding Specialists or the American Academy of Professional Coders. Both organizations offer continuing education or certification courses.

Get your foot in the door: Ask other local coders for assistance in finding clients, as some might be turning down work.

Testimony: Denise L. of Crystal, Minn., transferred her job reviewing inpatient hospital stays into an at-home job more than 10 years ago. “I had wanted to work from home for years, but had to wait for technology to catch up,” she says. “The advantages to working from home are endless.”

Until next time,

Sarah

At Home News: Juggling School and Work

The September issue of At Home News focuses on how to juggle homeschooling with working from home.

If you're not a subscriber, you can sign up for the free monthly e-newsletter by clicking on the Newsletter tab. I never sell or give out my subscriber list.

Until next time,

Sarah

Work-From-Home Job Spotlight: Scrapbooker

Each Thursday, I’m highlighting a work-from-home job or business.

Job Description: A scrapbooker helps clients make pages for scrapbooks.

Education: None necessary.

Skills: The ability to assist others in making memory pages or scrapbook pages.

Job outlook: Although many people scrapbook on their own, many more don’t have the time or the skills to do for themselves. A scrapbooker can help by either designing scrapbooks or holding scrapbooking classes for clients.

Possible employers: Local arts and crafts stores might be interested in holding scrapbooking classes. Also consider holding in-home scrapbooking parties, such as for a new bride or new mother.

Preparation: Make sure you’re up-to-date on all the scrapbooking trends by contacting organizations like the National Scrapbooking Association and Scrapbook Update. Put together some scrapbooks for friends and family to showcase your talents.

Get your foot in the door: Visit local senior centers or assisted living homes to hold scrapbooking classes for residents.

Until next time,

Sarah

Listening To Your Customers

Do you hear what your customers are saying? Most small business owners probably attempt to do this, but we probably go about it the wrong way. Here are some tips from "Are You Really Listening to Your Customers?" from the SCORE Small Business Blog.

Conduct online surveys. Most people prefer to leave feedback online, so this is a great place to start. Keep your surveys short and to the point.

Call them. To delve deeper than the online survey, pick up the phone to chat with customers. If you're a one-man shop, you might consider calling one or two customers a month, starting with the most frequent. Have a two or three question list and be mindful of their time. Perhaps offer the customer a discount on their next purchase or service as a thank-you.

Do something about it. When you get feedback--either positive or negative--acknowledge it and then use it to improve your business. It does you no good to learn something about your business and then to let that information languish.

These are few simple ways to really listen to your customers. What are some things you do to get customer feedback?

Until next time,

Sarah

Work-From-Home Job Spotlight: Jellies/Jams Maker

Each Thursday, I’m highlighting a work-from-home job or business.

Job Description: A jellies or jam maker is one who makes her own fruit-based or other types of jams and jellies.

Education: None necessary.

Skills: The ability to make and can homemade jellies and jams.

Job outlook: Although home canning is experiencing a bit of a upswing, there are sill many people who do not make homemade jams and jellies. Metropolitan or urban areas will likely have more customers for homemade jellies and jams than more rural locations.

Possible employers: Local restaurants (especially farm-to-table ones), bakeries, organic supermarkets, and farmers markets could be great places to sell your wares.

Preparation: Make sure you’re complying with all state and local health department rules related to selling homemade goods. Take a food-safety course, usually offered through the health department or local restaurant association.

Get your foot in the door: Start by setting up a booth at a local arts and crafts fair or farmers market. Visit area stores and restaurants with samples.

Until next time,

Sarah

Take Advantage of Back-to-School

Whether your kids are in public or private, it's that back-to-school time of year. Here are a few ways you can take full advantage of a kid-free home (at least for a few hours a day).

Review your work schedule. Now's the time to make sure you're working smart while the children are not at home. For example, schedule tasks that require more concentration first thing in the morning, to give you plenty of time to finish before the dismissal bell.

Watch time-wasters. Make sure you're not frittering away work time by spending too much time surfing the Internet or updating your FB status. If you need to use Facebook and Twitter for marketing purposes, set a timer and do the promotional stuff first, then check on what you're friends have been up to.

Begin holiday preparations now. I know it's only September, but if you want to have a less stressful fall holiday season, it's time to start planning. For example, if you celebrate Halloween or dress up for a fall festival, start planning for costumes now to avoid staying up past midnight on October 30 hunched over teh sewing machine. Think about what presents you have to buy and what homemade goodies you want to make. Jot down a timeline that will enable you to keep up with your work, home and family while not leaving all the holiday prep until the last minute.

Check your tax receipts. Now's the time to do a quick inventory of your tax situation. Do you have all tax-related receipts from January 1 in one place? Have you kept up with your mileage (if applicable)? If you donate used goods to charities, have you entered the information into It's Deductible? This is especially important if you traveled for business over the summer.

Think long-term. All those projects you put off because of vacations or other summer activities? Get out your calendar and see where you can fit those into your fall schedule.

These are just a few of the ways you can kick off the school year with a refreshed outlook for the fall. I'd love to hear what my readers are doing to keep on track in the fall.

Until next time,

Sarah

Work-From-Home Job Spotlight: Indexer

Each Thursday, I’m highlighting a work-from-home job or business.

Job Description: An indexer organizes entries to help users find information in a document or book.

Education: None necessary, although many indexers have bachelor’s or master’s degrees.

Skills: Excellent language skills, accuracy and attention to detail.

Job outlook: As long as books continue to be published, there will be a need for indexers. However, it’s difficult to track if this is a growing or stagnant job. The good news is that more and more publishing houses are outsourcing their indexing to freelancers, which means indexing can be a good choice for those who want to work from home.

Possible employers: Check out the American Society for Indexers, which has a job-finder section on its website.

Preparation: Join the American Society for Indexers. Take indexing courses from a local college with a library science or information science department. The U.S. Department of Agriculture offers two indexing correspondence courses through its Graduate School (type in key word “indexing” to find the courses).

Get your foot in the door: Ask an established indexer for an apprenticeship to build skills and experience.

Until next time,

Sarah

Rejuvenate You

With summer coming to an end and the start of school right around the corner (if it hasn't already started for you by now), now's a good time to think about refreshing yourself. "Tips to Recharge Your Batteries" from Small Business Trends has some ways to rejuvenate you.

Have downtime. Schedule time to not work. Don't wait until you're overtaxed, but work in regular breaks into your workday and workweek. Make sure to turn off your phone or walk away from your computer so you're not tempted to work while you're supposed to be relaxing.

Read for pleasure. Most of us have a "must-read" stack relating to our business, but we should also have books we want to read for fun. If you have trouble coming up with a title or craving out time for reading for pleasure, considering joining a local book club. Bonus: book clubs will get you out of the house for regular meetings.

Find personal enrichment. Sign up for a class in something non-work related. Pick up that musical instrument you played as a kid. Become a member of a local museum or theater group.

Work on checking off your master life to-do list. Call it a bucket list or what-I'll-do-when-I-retire list, stop waiting for someday and start planning to tackle some of those things now. Whether it's travel or learning a new language, come up with a plan and implement it. You'll be glad you did.

By enriching your overall life, you will find more energy and inspiration in your work. Now, you'll excuse me if I go finish Bleak House by Charles Dickens, my book club's summer reading pick...

Until next time,


Sarah

Work-From-Home Job Spotlight: Tailor

Each Thursday, I’m highlighting a work-from-home job or business.

Job Description: A tailor alters clothing for clients.

Education: None necessary.

Skills: The ability to sew and alter a variety of clothing, including pants, dresses, suits and jackets.

Job outlook: U.S. Department of Labor’s Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) finds that “employment of sewers and tailors is expected to experience little or no change, growing 1% from 2010 to 2020. Growth will be limited as clothing continues to be made in other countries and the demand for custom clothing keeps declining. However, job prospects are good for skilled workers.” Check out the BLS Occupational Outlook Handbook for more details.

Possible employers: Contact local dry cleaners to see about tailoring work. Also, stop by area fabric stores to inquire if you can advertise your services there.

Preparation: Join the Custom Tailors & Designers Association, which offers ways to connect with other tailors and continuing classes.

Get your foot in the door: Consider contacting Dress to Success or other charities that help clothe low-income clients for job interviews to offer your services at a reduced rate or for free.

Until next time,

Sarah

Bossing Yourself

Can you be the boss of you? Running a home-based business or working from home requires that you can successful run you. "Are You Your Own Worst Boss?" from Mashable has some words of wisdom about motivating yourself.

Get the tools to help you do a better job. Don't make yourself work harder than you have to simply to save a few dollars by not upgrading computer or other essential equipment. Be frugal, but practical.

Continue learning. Whether through workshops or formal education, make sure you're staying up-to-date on the ins and outs of your field.

Value your work, services or products. Don't price yourself so low that you end up working more hours. Think about what your product or service really costs and price accordingly.

Reward yourself. When you land a big client, or finish a large project, don't forget to celebrate. It could be a day off to go to the beach or an hour spent reading your favorite novel--whatever will help you to observe the event.

Be a good boss to yourself and reap the benefits of having such a positive work environment.

Until next time,

Sarah

Work-From-Home Job Spotlight: Personal Trainer

Each Thursday, I’m highlighting a work-from-home job or business.

Job Description: A personal trainer works with a variety of individuals on instructing those individuals in exercise activities.

Education: Certification through the National Academy of Sports Medicine or the American Council of Exercise.

Skills: The ability to motivate clients through a customized exercise plan and routine.

Job outlook: U.S. Department of Labor’s Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) finds that “employment of fitness trainers and instructors is expected to grow by 24% from 2010 to 2020, faster than the average for all occupations. As businesses and insurance organizations continue to recognize the benefits of health and fitness programs for their employees, incentives to join gyms or other fitness facilities will increase the need for workers in these areas.” Check out the BLS Occupational Outlook Handbook for more details.

Possible employers: Call area gyms to see about getting listed as a personal trainer. Visit senior centers to inquire about holding low-impact and other appropriate exercise class members. Consider starting your own business or joining with another personal trainer in your area.

Preparation: Join the National Academy of Sports Medicine or the American Council of Exercise. Take continuing education or certification courses from the above-mentioned organizations.

Get your foot in the door: Ask a professional organizer in your area or a nearby area if you could shadow her on a client visit to make sure this is a good fit for you.

Until next time,

Sarah