5 Ways to Have a Peaceful Christmas

December is usually not described as peaceful. Oh, we sing about peace on earth in our carols, but for most of us, days 1 through 25 are spent hurrying around shopping, baking, doing endless lists of things. Sure, we might go to a fun party or special event, but we generally take little time to slow down. To make matters even more stressful, our children stay in a perpetual state of heightened excitement as the days of Christmas draw nearer.

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What’s a parent to do? Here are five suggestions for having yourself a very peaceful Christmas.

1. Talk about your Christmas expectations. With December underway, now’s the time to have a family meeting about what’s important for everyone this season. Is it trimming the tree together? Going to the grandparents on Christmas Eve? Have everyone say the number-one thing they are looking forward to, then focus on those things first. Everything else can be left behind.

2. Develop hearts of gratitude. For all of us, Christmas can become a time of getting, and we can let that go to our heads when we really want that special something. Whatever your ideal gift is, we lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas when we focus only on what we might get instead of what we have. One way to combat the greed of the season is to designate a Thankfulness Jar. Have every family member write down something they are thankful for at least once a week. Then on Christmas Eve or close to that date, sit down with hot chocolate and read the notes aloud together. This will help you get your hearts in the right frame of mind for opening gifts and visiting with family.

3. Think outside yourselves. Whether it’s a family member or a community need, be a blessing to someone else. It could be a simple as shopping together for Toys for Tots, or as elaborate as adopting a family for Christmas. Get your kids involved—as them what they would like to do to help someone else this holiday. You’ll be surprised by what they can come up with once you get their thoughts focused outside of themselves.

4. Downsize the toys. We all have too much stuff, so let’s get rid of some of it before Christmas. With your children, go through their toys or things, mandating that they must give away or toss a certain amount (depending on what you are starting with). Guide them in their choices, but let them make the decisions. Having less is always a good way to go into Christmas—and it’s easier to find places for the new things to come.

5. Stop and smell the pine needles. This time of year, we can become so busy that we hardly have a moment to ourselves. Deliberately plan down time for the entire family to spend watching a favorite holiday flick or singing carols around the fireplace. Spend an afternoon or evening sharing favorite Christmas memories. Little things like this can be relaxing and enjoyable for all members of your family—and help you find a little peace amid the chaos of the season.

Do Not Disturb the Family Peace

Over the summer, as I was writing in the downstairs office, I heard a ruckus upstairs. Sounds of screaming that didn’t sound quite so happy. With four children between the ages of 4 and 10, one gets used to a certain amount of loudness, but my mother’s radar detected something different in these sounds.

I followed the source to my girls’ room, where the 10-year-old was attempting to drag the 9-year-old out of the room because she “wanted her room to herself.” Never mind that the room was both of theirs, she wanted to be alone. I separated the pair for a cooling off period, thinking that a 10-year-old was a little too young to pull a Greta Garbo.

Sibling conflict can be overwhelming, especially when you have a mix of ages and genders. Most of the time, my children do play well together with a minimum of fuss. But it’s inevitable that conflict will raise its ugly head at times. Through in the holidays, with all the excitement and anticipation, and things can go south in a hurry.

The way you as a parent handle sibling clashes can help—or hinder—how your children interact with each other. Here’s how we handle sibling clashes.

We decided that we would not play referee. It was not our job to intervene when the wailing started out of sight. We would not judge who was right and who was wrong. No assigning roles of victim or villain for us. If we happened to actually see the wrongdoing, that was another thing. But we would not participate after the fact in their disagreements. We would give kisses, but would not encourage tattling.

To enforce this, we created a chart and stuck it to the refrigerator. Titled “Do Not Disturb the Family Peace,” the chart outlined what would earn every child a ticket:

1. Keep it down. (Do not become too boisterous or noisy.)
2. No hurting each other. (Do not hit, punch, push or otherwise maim your siblings.)
3. No tattling. (Do not become a snitch on your siblings.)

Clipped to the fridge beside this chart are three tickets, pieces of laminated paper. For each infraction, the entire group loses one ticket. If all three tickets are lost, the entire group goes directly to their rooms for the rest of the day and directly to bed after supper.

This eliminates the problem of trying to figure out what happened. It doesn’t really matter who was at fault, does it? What this system is doing is putting the resolution of conflict onto the children, where it belongs.

When I hear the kids going at it hammer and tongs, I simply walk up, say they are disturbing the family peace and directed one to get a ticket. No arguing, no drama. Then I leave.

So far, in the months we’ve had this system in place, they have yet to lose all three tickets. And if they do, I’ll enjoy a nice day without kids underfoot, and a more relaxing evening with my husband.

Now, would it be terrible of me to wish they would lose all three tickets one day….?

Until next time,
Sarah