Counteracting the Dark Side of Self-Esteem

High self-esteem has been the Holy Grail of childhood achievement for years, with many parents, educators, and child-rearing experts proclaiming its ability to heal all the ills of society. Children were heaped with lots of praise, even for mediocre or failing efforts, and all that positive reinforcement has created a generation of kids who think only of themselves. After all, everyone has told them their entire lives that they are wonderful, practically perfect people.

Even adults have jumped on the high self-esteem bandwagon, with employers doling out kudos for doing the basics on a job, and employees expecting a pat on the back for showing up every day at work. What nobody stopped to think about is how high self-esteem would impact the society as a whole.

When everybody thinks he or she is more important than anyone else—and that’s the result of being fed a steady diet of praise for anything and everything—then the culture suffers. A prime example is the way drivers treat funeral possessions these days.

The Washington Post ran a front-page article today about how motorists cut into the lines of cars with funeral placards, honk at the delay when a possession goes by, and other impatient, I’m-more-important-than-you actions. To me, this shows the low regard others have for being even slightly inconvenienced by waiting for a funeral possession to pass.

How we act when we’re inconvenienced says a lot about how we value others. Are we tapping our foot when the cashier makes a mistake checking us out? Do we roll our eyes and mutter under our breath when someone cuts us off at a light? Have we been guilty of expressing our displeasure when our late arrival to an appointment means we have to wait longer? Do we treat customer service personnel—in person, on the phone or on live chats—with respect and courtesy, no matter the interaction?

When these incidents happen in front of our kids, what does that show them? That we’re the most important people in the world, and therefore deserve special treatment from others. And if everyone believes that, lives their lives that way, we will soon have a society filled with rude, demanding and awful people.

With Christmas coming in a few short weeks, let us all make a commitment to leave behind the babble of high self-esteem, and focus instead on being the best spouse, parent, neighbor, resident and citizen we can possibly be.

Let’s show our children that serving others brings joy and happiness, not just to the person being served, but to the those doing the serving.

Let’s commit to being more concerned with humbleness and respect for others than feeling good about ourselves at all costs.

Let’s live the Golden Rule—Do unto others as you would have them do unto you—each day, and encourage our children to do the same.

Let’s all make a commitment to make this holiday season one that not all about what we will receive and what others can do for us, but about what we can give and do for others.

Let’s take the focus off of us and our wants, needs, desires, feelings, and put it on others, showering our families, friends, co-workers, teachers, neighbors and fellow Americans of all shapes, sizes and color.

Light the light of humbleness and respect for others in your own hearts, and watch as your light glows in the lives of those with which you come in contact.