Q: Our teenage daughter calls my wife (her mother) her best
friend. Our daughter has some trouble making and keeping friends (I think
because she’s bossy and demanding). But hearing my wife referred to as my
daughter’s best friend is a little strange to me. Her mother says to our
daughter that she can’t be her best friend and mother, but I’m not sure she’s
putting those words into practice. How should a mother view her relationship
with her teenage daughter?
A: So many parents
forget that the time for friendship is after the child has been fully
emancipated from the home with her own job, apartment and full responsibility
for bills and living expenses. During the teenage years, the parent should be
more of a mentor and begin when the child reaches 13, to slowly move back from
a more hands-on approach.
It sounds like your
wife is moving into more of a friendship than a mentor relationship with your
daughter. For your daughter’s sake, she should readjust to be more a mentor and
not share as much as a friend would. Your daughter needs to have friends of her
own, which she might not do as readily if her mother is fulfilling that role in
her life.
Your part in all of
this is to co-mentor with your wife. As the father, you need to be a mentoring
parent. Your wife appears to have the head knowledge that she should not be her
daughter’s best friend, but a gentle nudge reminder from you would probably be
good. The time to be friends with your daughter will come, but until then, enjoy
your time as a mentor.
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parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah
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