Playing After Dark

Q: We have started making our three-year-old son spend his time outs in his bedroom where he has some toys. Do we remove the toys, or just make it clear that he shouldn’t play with the toys while he is in timeout?

This same dilemma resurfaces at bedtime. We’ll go through our entire routine (bath, brush teeth, read books, etc.), tuck him in, and then hear him playing with his blocks 30 minutes later! I am not opposed to him playing quietly, but I don’t know if he legitimately cannot sleep or if the idea of playing after we say lights out is what keeps him awake longer.

A: If you’re using his bedroom as a time out consequence for misbehavior, you should remove either all or most of the toys. Some kids have so many toys in their room, going there as a punishment doesn't have much of an impact. You want the time out to be effective, to make an impression, otherwise, you'll be disciplining for the same thing over and over again. No one--not the parent and not the kid--wants to experience that.

About playing in his room after lights out: Unless you feel that he's not getting enough sleep (cranky the next day, etc.), if he's not bothering anyone and stays in his room, then let him play once he goes to bed. If he plays quietly for half an hour and doesn't come out of his room, then count yourself lucky. It sounds like he falls asleep on his own later. After all, the bedtime is not for the child--it's for the parents to get some grown-up time without the children.

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