Q: Our 11-year-old
son, in a fit of pique over missing a soccer kick, pushed a younger teammate (a
10-year-old girl). We plan on making him apologize to the girl’s father (and
coach) and have confined him to his room for a week without electronics. This
isn’t the first time his displeasure over a game or play not going his way has
manifested itself, but it is the first time he’s actually taken out his
frustration on a teammate. What should we do?
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A: First, he needs to sincerely apologize to the girl, not
just her father. Second, after his week of lockdown, he needs some lessons in
how to be a good sport. Spend some time practicing how he can respond when he
misses a soccer kick or his team loses a game. Literally walk him through the
scenarios, such as pretending to be on the winning team and having your son
congratulate you and shake your hand.
When he makes a mistake on the field, help him practice how
he will respond in a constructive way, such as only grimacing and then shaking
it off. He should even practice how to encourage a teammate who misses a play,
such as shouting, “No worries, you’ll get it next time!” or something like
that.
When his team wins, help him not to express too much
enthusiasm, i.e., trash talking the other team’s defeat, but to celebrate with
some restraint in order to show good sportsmanlike behavior. Playing any
sport—team or individual—requires learning how to handle the disappointments as
well as the victories.
Finally, impress upon him that any unsportsmanlike behavior
will result in being benched for the rest of the season, period, end of story.
You want to nip this behavior in the bud so that he will be a true team member
and not the kid no one wants to play with because of his behavior. If you run
through how he’s to behavior both on and off the field before games, he should
straighten up and play well. You want your son to be respectful and a good team
player, so take the time to each him how to do both. The rest is up to him.
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