“Are witches real?” asked my six-year-old from his car seat
recently while we were running errands. My response led to a series of
questions that lasted several long minutes before I gently said I wasn’t going
to answer any other questions for now.
Have you given yourself the freedom to tell your children no
more questions or that you weren’t going to talk to them for a bit? Most
parents today think that it’s their obligation to answer every question and respond
to each comment their child utters. We’re encouraged from all fronts to pay
close attention to what our children say and to always, always, always reply to
their queries.
The underlying premise behind this is to feed and nurture a
child’s natural curiosity with the world around him, especially at a young age.
But answering—often in great detail—every question asked of you by your child
isn’t the best thing for him. Nor is engaging in conversation with your child
each time he wants to talk to you.
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Image courtesy of Boians Cho Joo Young
FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
Why should you curtail your interaction with your child
sometimes? I’ll give you four sound reasons.
1. Because your child shouldn’t monopolize all
conversations. By answering each question your child makes, you are
essentially giving control of many conversations to him, thus putting the child
in the center of the family’s communications. He shouldn’t be allowed to speak
and have everyone drop what they’re doing to listen—that’s a recipe for raising
a brat.
2. Because your child
doesn’t always need to know the answer from you. Yes, you want to impart
knowledge about why cats meow or birds sing, but really, do you need to right
now? Can’t he wait until school to learn the phases of the moon? Less you think
this sounds harsh, I think there are some things in life that a child should
ponder, should wonder about. Having you be his personal Google eliminates the
element of surprise and figuring out things for himself.
3. Because you have
other things to do. It’s okay that you need to use your brain to think
about something other than why grass is green—and a child should realize that
just because he wants an instant answer, sometimes he has to wait. When I need
to think about the errands we’re running or tonight’s dinner or a tricky
problem I’m working out, I have no problem putting a halt to the questions. Your
time isn’t their time—it’s yours. More parents need to realize that they can
reclaim time for themselves.
4. Because it’s not
all about the child. Again, this points to the fact that parents are so
terrified of doing the wrong thing—that not responding will cause the child to
never ask another question—that they overcompensate by paying too much
attention to the child. Naturally, all that attention makes the child think
it’s all about him.
Strike a good balance between encouraging curiosity and
helping children develop patience and the ability to figure things out on their
own. I often point my older kids to a set of Encyclopedias when they have
questions about how things work or where a certain city is located. Sure, I
might know the answer, but that’s for me to know, and for them to find out.
Until next time,
Sarah
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