One-on-One Time

Over the next several Tuesdays, I’m giving readers a sneak peak chapter-by-chapter at what’s inside my new book, Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids From War to Peace, which is available now, with permission of Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City.

When other parents learn we have four children, their first response is usually along the lines of “How do you juggle all those kids?” That question is generally followed by another: “How do you find time for your kids?” Both represent a misconception of how much parental time and outside activities children need. We’re firm believers that children should—and are perfectly capable of—entertaining themselves.

While we don’t give our kids too much attention on a daily basis, we also do not neglect to spend individual time with them apart from the family as a whole. In today’s ever busy, ever connected world, one-on-one time with a parent becomes even more precious to a child.

This alone time forges a stronger bond of intimacy and love between parent and child, nourishing the relationship. Many parents recognize the importance of individual time with a child. In fact, seventy percent of respondents to my informal sibling survey had regular one-on-one time with each of their children.

Time spent alone with one child also underscores that we see them as individuals, not as a collective “the kids.” We often lump our offspring all together, such as “Kids, get in the car!” It’s great to be part of a family, but sometimes, children need to know we see them as single entities apart from the group. Also, having regular individual interaction will create those precious memories for both of you. Group recollections are wonderful, but it’s the personal touch that often brings the most pleasure to us and our kids.

Plus, all kids, especially teenagers, need that bonding time with parents, a chance to slow down and ease up on the throttle of life. Parents have found that scheduled one-on-one time with their children keeps them up-to-date with what’s going on in their lives. With individual time, you can cater to each child’s personality and ability, which goes along with helping parents not play favorites.

Remember, our time with them living at home is fleeting. We have them twenty-four/seven for eighteen years, then they begin to spread their wings and fly to new adventures outside of your home. Sure, we may get them back occasionally, but we will never again have them at this age.

Read more about how to have one-on-one time with your children in Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids From War to Peace, available now on Amazon.com, CBD.com and Beacon Hill Press.