Crying Instead of Sleeping

Q: Our son turned two recently. He’s been a good sleeper most of the time, with bedtimes not so terrible a task. However, lately, he gets very upset at bedtime. Our routine at night is bathing, brushing teeth, reading a book, having some milk, going to the potty, then into the crib for a few songs. Now, he’s getting so upset with us leaving the room that he’ll cry until he throws up. What can we do to get over this hurdle?

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A: Turning two can be a huge change for some kids, and it sounds like it has been for your son. That said, there are some things you can do to help him make this transition smoother at bedtime.

First, shorten the bedtime routine because it’s kind of long now. Kids his age don’t really need a bath every night (a couple of times a week will usually do the trick). Cut out the milk right before bed, too, so that he won’t have milk on his teeth overnight—you can give this to him a half hour or so before bed instead.

For the crying, leave him in his crib, then come back into the room after a minute (literally, count to 60 outside his door). Tell him everything’s okay and leave. Don’t pick him up and don’t stay longer than the time it takes to pat him on the back and tell him it’s okay. Repeat as necessary, gradually lengthening the time between when you re-enter the room. This might take a few days or a week or so, but he should get over this and stop crying so much at bedtime.

A happy client:

After I had originally answered this question, the client wrote the following: “I just wanted to thank you for your help! For the past few days, I’ve put him down, we wait literally a minute while he wails like a banshee, then my husband goes in and holds his hand for awhile. By the time he leaves, our son’s been too tired to do much besides let out a few impassioned squawks. It’s not ideal, but it’s certainly better than him barfing everywhere!”