Winding Up, Crashing Down

Q: My six-year-old daughter has had crazy mood swings lately, especially around the holidays. She’s well-behaved during school. But at events around family, which includes cousins she plays nicely with, she’ll come home and simply not calm down. If anything, her behavior spirals quickly out of control into hyperactivity. For example, one time when we got home just past her regular bedtime, she couldn’t brush her teeth—just kept jumping around the bathroom, blurting out silly things and laughing. When my husband threatened to punish her, her “happy” mood dissolved into tears and uncontrollable crying. What can we do to prevent this cycle from continuing the next time we’re around family or friends?

A: It sounds to me like your daughter has stimuli overload. At school, she behaves but lets it all hang out at home. Super-charged events, like holidays and family gatherings, can wind some kids up until they just lose control over their actions, hence the silliness in the bathroom. For example, one of my kids gets very upset in situations where he/she doesn’t know what to do or where to go. I have to remind myself of his/her tendency and respond to his/her initial frustration expressions more calmly, as well as provide assistance in helping the child overcome the situation, such as with calming techniques or permission to sit alone with a book for a bit to regroup.

That doesn't mean we excuse bad behavior, but that we understand that he/she is one of those kids who gets wired in certain situations. That understanding can help us parents know how to handle it and also help the child learn how to gain control in similar circumstances.

Image courtesy of stock images/
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

So for your daughter, it might be better if you had let her skip the tooth-brushing and physically assisted her get in her pajamas that evening. A story with the lights down low and snuggling close with you or your husband as you read would help as well, or perhaps a story told or favorite song sung as she lay in bed in the dark.

Just knowing she would likely come home all wired up will help you and your husband to respond in quieter and calmer tones, which should, in turn, help her to unwind more. You might consider bringing PJs to such events and having her change before you leave if you know it will be late when you get home. That way, you can play soothing music in the car on the way home and pop her in bed immediately (skipping one night of brushing her teeth every once in a while won’t hurt her). You could also just plan on leaving earlier so that she has time to unwind before her regular bedtime.

When she comes home from school, help her make the transition between school and home. Let her run around the outside of the house six times (or up and down the sidewalk X times) or jump on a mini-trampoline for X minutes. Any activity to help her get some of her energy redirected in physical activity can help calm her brain.

Whatever you do, don’t give her electronics on school days as many studies have shown electronics of any sort can wind up kids' brains. Avoid high-sugar foods as snacks, too; instead, try fruit and/or cheese for a quick snack after school. Get some books or other children’s audio CDs from the library and let her listen to one in her room directly after supper to wind down for the night. Some good ones are the Rabbit Ears collections of fairy tales, world tales and folk tales--very excellent!--and the History of the World CD sets.

Above all, stay as calm as you can and do what you can to help her develop her own way of handling those transitions and stimuli.