A Hoot and a Holler

Have you ever yelled at your kids? That’s something that every parent (including me!), no matter how well-behaved their kids are, has done. But if you do it on a daily or hourly basis, that’s a lot of frustration—more than you should have as a parent.

Most of us shout at our kids because of frustration or anger at something they’ve done—or haven’t done. But some parents yell at their teens as a form of punishment. A new study from the University of Pittsburgh and University of Michigan recently published in the Journal of Child Development found that parents who scream at their teens in this manner are upping the chances their children will develop problem behaviors and depression.

“New research reveals that harsh verbal discipline in early adolescence causes more harm than good. Instead of helping, harsh verbal discipline might actually worsen problematic behavior in teens,” reports the Counsel & Heal website. “Harsh verbal discipline can have a dramatic impact on teen's emotional development. Researchers said this is true even among those who enjoy a close relationship with their parents.”

Image courtesy of  David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“This is one of the first studies to indicate that parents' harsh verbal discipline is damaging to the developing adolescent,” said lead researcher Ming-Te Wang, assistant professor of psychology in education at the University of Pittsburgh. “The notion that harsh discipline is without consequence, once there is a strong parent-child bond-that the adolescent will understand that ‘they're doing this because they love me’-is misguided because parents’ warmth didn’t lessen the effects of harsh verbal discipline.”

We as parents generally know that screaming at our kids isn’t good—for us or them. But what the article didn’t cover was how to overcome that yelling tendency.

Yelling at your children on a regular basis—and especially as form of discipline—is symptomatic of parents who do not feel in control of their parenting. A calm parent won’t scream at her child as much as one who is constantly trying to figure out how to parent.

One way to stop hollering is to adopt Alpha Speech, which basically means you talk like you’re the leader in your home. A leader doesn’t constantly explain herself. Instead, a leader gives clear instructions in as few words as possible, employing the Short and Sweet Principle: The fewer words a parent uses when giving instructions or conveying expectations, the more likely it is that the child will obey.

So stop the screaming and become an Alpha Speech expert. You’ll be amazed at much calmer you’ll be as a parent—and how more obedient your children will be as a result. And remember that obedient children are happier children than their non-obedient peers.

Until next time,

Sarah

In October, Sarah will be giving a series of talks on “The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline that Really Works” through the City of Fairfax Parks and Recreation Department. Also in October, Sarah and Mary Elizabeth Peritti will speak on “Parenting With Love & Leadership” in a four-part webinar series. Contact Sarah through her website for more information.