Grandma was right!
There is an easy way and a hard way to raise kids. By and large, today’s
parents are choosing the hard way. This series of blogs will tackle familiar
phrases that used to be commonplace but fell out of favor during the last few
decades of the 20th century—and why parents should not be afraid to follow the
sentiment expressed in the phrases.
To those who think britches, an old-fashioned word for
pants, has nothing to do with child-rearing, I say read on! The phrase “You’re
acting too big for your britches” is one that should be employed by every
parent, if not in actual word, at least in sentiment.
Someone who’s too big for their pants is one who is too
arrogant. The origin of the phrase, “You’re too big for your britches” has its
roots in the 1830s and means one who
thinks too highly of himself than he ought to. In the middle of the last
century, the phrase was often said in conjunction with “If you don’t size
yourself to your britches, I’ll do it for you.”
A similar phrase used in previous generations of parents is “You
need to be taken down a peg or two,” which has its origin in the ancient
practice of ranking people on a vertical peg board, with one’s name represented
by a peg. The higher on the peg, the higher in society you ranked. Thus to be
taken down a notch or peg meant that you had gotten above your station in life
and needed to be reminded of your proper place.
Today, with many parents buying into the notion that
families are a democracy (that’s a discussion for another blog), the notion
that a child could in fact be acting above where she ought might smack of
classism. But nothing could be further from the truth when it comes to
children. Parents nowadays routinely allow their children to grow inflated egos,
to think themselves much more important than they should be.
In our quest for equality, we’ve forgotten what the parents
of yesteryear understood intuitively: that youngsters had no problem thinking
too highly of themselves and need to be taught otherwise. Basically, the phrase
“you’re too big for your britches” is an antidote to high self-esteem. A child with
high self-esteem, as I’ve talked about on this blog before, is one who puts
herself above all others, who focuses more on what her needs are than on the
needs of others, and who wants her needs attended to above all others.
A child who is too big for his britches is a child who wants
his way in everything. A child who is too big for his britches is one who
ignores his parents, his teachers and whoever else is standing in his way. A
child who is too big for his britches has an ego the size of Texas
and has no qualms about asserting his will in all things.
In other words, a child who’s too big for his britches is
one who is a big brat.
Now, if you don’t want a bratty child—and, seriously, who
does?—then you’d better start sizing your children to their proper size
britches. All that means is that when you see their little egos start to
inflate, you gently—you don’t have to be harsh about it to get the point across—take
then down a notch. This means, you teach them to put others first. This means,
you make them wait their turn. This means, you show them how to treat others
with respect and courtesy—and demand that same treatment from them towards you.
“You’re getting too big for your britches” is a golden oldie
when it comes to parenting phrases. Dust it off and give it a good workout—even
if you have to tell your kids what “britches” are.
Until next time,
Sarah
In October, Sarah will
be giving a series of talks on The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline that Really
Works through the City
of Fairfax Parks and Recreation Department. Also in October, Sarah and Mary
Elizabeth Peritti will speak on Parenting With Love & Leadership in a
four-part webinar series. Contact Sarah through her website for more information.
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