Q: When my
kindergartner become embarrassed, she digs in her heels and becomes ridiculously
obstinate and defiant. It doesn’t matter if the embarrassment is due to a
reprimand or mistake. Pouting, stomping, crying, covering of ears, etc.,
ensues. We’ve tried explaining that everyone makes mistakes but that hasn’t
helped. I don’t want this to become an issue in the classroom. What can we do?
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Image courtesy of Ambro/
FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
A: Ah, the old “why” instead of a action. Because you think
her reaction is because she’s embarrassed, you’ve given her a pass on how she
acts. The truth of the matter is she is throwing a temper tantrum whenever
something happens she didn’t want to occur—either her own fault or not. You’ve
allowed her to continue with this stomping, pouting, wailing and gnashing of
teeth and now it’s time to put an end to it.
Stop trying to reason with your child. She’s not going to
listen or understand, so save your breath and use it to address the real
problem: her temper tantrums. At this age, solving it should be fairly easy if
you’re consistent. Designate a rarely used room in the house as the tantrum (a
powder room or guest room works well). Tell her that she needs to go to that
room whenever she’s embarrassed and feels like crying, stomping, covering her
ears, etc. Then you remind her, leading her by the hand, to the room, where she
stays by herself until she stops having the tantrum.
Your job is to help her remember to go to the room whenever
she has a tantrum. A temper tantrum without an audience is like a fire without oxygen:
both burn out rather quickly in its absence.
In October, Sarah will
be giving a series of talks on The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline that Really
Works through the City
of Fairfax Parks and Recreation Department. Also in October, Sarah and Mary
Elizabeth Peritti will speak on Parenting With Love & Leadership in a
four-part webinar series. Contact Sarah through her website for more
information.
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