Stressed-Out Teens

The headline screamed the warning: “Teen Stress Rivals That of Adults.” American teens report experiences with stress that follow a similar pattern as adults, according to a new survey released this month by the American Psychological Association (APA). In fact, during the school year, teens say their stress level is higher than levels reported by adults in the past month. For teens and adults alike, stress has an impact on healthy behaviors like exercising, sleeping well and eating healthy foods.

The sobering news for parents is that the findings from Stress in America™: Are Teens Adopting Adults’ Stress Habits? suggest that unhealthy behaviors associated with stress may begin manifesting early in people’s lives. “It is alarming that the teen stress experience is so similar to that of adults. It is even more concerning that they seem to underestimate the potential impact that stress has on their physical and mental health,” said Norman Anderson, CEO/executive vice president of APA, in a press release.

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The study found that stress levels during the school year far exceeds what teens believe to be healthy and tops adults’ average reported stress levels. Even during the summer, teens reported their stress during the past month at levels higher than what they believe is healthy. Many teens also report feeling overwhelmed (31 percent) and depressed or sad (30 percent) as a result of stress. More than one-third of teens report fatigue or feeling tired (36 percent) and nearly one-quarter of teens (23 percent) report skipping a meal due to stress.

“Parents and other adults can play a critical role in helping teens get a handle on stress by modeling healthy stress management behaviors,” said Anderson. What can you do to help your teen (or younger child) reduce stress?

1. Don’t overemphasize grades. Yes, doing well in school is important, but much of the time we drill the mantra “get good grades” at the expense of all else. We need to remember that grades don’t matter as much as our child’s health and well being. That grades are only part of the picture of his growing up. That grades can’t replace characteristics like honor and trust and respect and kindness.
2. Don’t project your fears on your kids. Sometimes, it’s our own fear of being labeled a failure as a parent that propels us to push our kids too hard in school, in sports, and at home. When you find yourself becoming too agitated about the results, step back, take a deep breath, and realize that it’s probably your own fear talking.
3. Don’t live your child’s life. This goes along with “don’t project your fears.” We should remember that our children will likely pick a different path than perhaps we would have for them—and that’s okay. It might be a career that we think has no potential or for which they might not be ideally suited. It could be the decision to drop a sport they previously enjoyed. We need to let them live their own lives, no matter what that might look like (with the caveat that we still need to step in when there’s real danger involved or laws being broken).
4. Don’t forget to allow for fun. Sometimes, our teenagers get so involved with classes, college applications, extracurricular activities (for those college applications), that they forget there’s more to life than school. Sometimes, we’re the ones pressuring them to do more homework, more studying, more classes, more volunteering. Make sure you encourage them to have fun, to relax, to do nothing, and to spend time with family and friends.
5. Don’t forget to listen. Teenagers still need parents, and really listening to what they’re saying—and not saying—can clue us in to how they’re handling everything. Much of the time, they act like they can shoulder the world, but in reality, they still need us to help them with boundaries.

Above all, remember that you need to take care not to be constantly stressed, either, as that’s not an example for our children to emulate. Take breaks, pull back, let go, and enjoy your children. Reduce the stress in your own life to help lower the stress in theirs.

Until next time,

Sarah