How happy are you as a parent? That’s a question that has
been bouncing around social media and the Internet lately, especially since new
research from sociologist Jennifer Glass indicated that being an American
parent doesn’t mean you’re happy.
Her research
seems to contradict the widespread belief that being a parent makes you happier
and wealthier. “If you go ask parents, they’ll tell you, ‘Being a parent is
great. I love my kids. It’s best thing I’ve ever done,’” said Glass. “Then you
go to the empirical data, and find that all types of parenthood have negative
effects on happiness and mental health.”
Glass posits that parenting produces fewer emotional
benefits than other adult social roles. “Employment and marriage provide you
with money and social status,” she said. “Parenthood doesn’t provide you with
either of those and exposes you to more stress, which either cancels out or
exceeds the emotional rewards of having children.”
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Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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What Glass’s research says to me is that we’ve turned child
rearing into something difficult, hard, and downright burdensome to mothers in
particular. We’ve become parents who are so concerned about everything we do as
we rear our children that we’ve forgotten to enjoy them, to relax, to not sweat
the mistakes (theirs or ours).
In short, we’ve made parenting all about what we do as opposed to who we are. What we do has less impact than who we are.
Parents who accept the fact that children will misbehave sometimes, that they
will choose to do the wrong thing despite our best efforts to steer them to the
right thing, will be happier in the long run. Why? Because we know that it’s
not entirely up to us how our kids turn out—our children have a very real part
in that.
Mothers and fathers can have a more relaxed, happy and
playful parenthood when they stop living like every decision they make will
make or break their child’s future. Yes, we still need to have a care in how we
raise our children, but we can also relax and stress about the mistakes we make
along the way. We can have fun with our children and not stress about the
misbehavior (although we do need to discipline them for those wrongdoings).
Live your life as a parent by realizing it’s not all up to
you how your child turns out and you will have a happier parenthood, one that
is filled with joy, fun, wonder, and above all, love.
Until next time,
Sarah
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