Yelling Mom Wants to Stop

Q. I have three children under the age of 6. I work full time and have a husband who travel frequently. And I yell at my kids a lot—by a lot, I mean almost every day. I don’t want to be this crazy person who screams at her kids, but I don’t know how to stop. Help me please!

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A. We’ve all been there. Anyone who says they never yell at their kids isn’t being totally honest. So rest assured, it’s perfectly normal to yell sometimes. Your plate seems full to overflowing right now with a full-time job, a husband out of town a lot, and three small children. Here are some suggestions for lowering the stress level and helping you to work calm responses into your parenting day.

First, scale back on any extras, such as music lessons, sports activities, etc. Just step back for now to give you some breathing time. Commit to doing nothing extra for six months and re-evaluate then.

Second, hire a Mommy’s helper to assist with evenings or Saturdays when your husband is away. Having an extra pair of hands around while you cook dinner or do laundry will help those weeks you’re essentially a single parent.

Third, give yourself permission to let things slide, including housework. Don’t beat yourself up if the dust bunnies proliferate under the couch for a few months. You’re your kids chores to do and then don’t sweat the less-than-pristine house.

Fourth, look for ways to reduce your workload. Double your recipes to use twice in one week to cut down on kitchen time. Perhaps a friend would be interested in swapping meals to give some variety. Do laundry only every other week.

Fifth, pinpoint your trigger moments. Is it the witching hour before dinner? The before-bedtime crazies? If you can find a pattern to your stress points, you can usually figure out how to counter those before you get to the yelling stage.

Sixth, use timers to help the kids get things accomplished, which should cut down on your yelling at them to get ready for bed. That usually works pretty well for youngsters.

Finally, remember that sometimes, you just have to let things go and tackle them tomorrow or the next day or the weekend. Life is more about doing stuff, and having a calmer mommy is what’s best for your kids.

Email Sarah if you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog.