Food Fight!

Q: What should the general management of my 14-year-old daughter’s behavior toward food be? She is not overweight but this might become a problem area as she grows up. Right now, we monitor her food consumption by regularly directing her not to eat a particular food or how much of something she should consume.

It seems that if left to her own devices, our daughter would consume way too much junk food. Right now, she eats fine at meals prepared by us, but there is always an argument after dinner about dessert. Both of us eat very healthy and it’s difficult to see her choosing “bad” foods over good ones. Should we keep monitoring her intake or let her eat what she wants?

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A: Food is not something parents should be debating or arguing with their children over. Reading between the lines of your question, I sense that you realize this and that’s why you’re wondering how or if to step back. With a young teen, you should be starting to withdrawal from the more hands-on approach of the elementary school years and transitioning into the mentoring approach of the teenage years. Here’s an approach to the food issue that will help move you more to the mentor side and yet still retain some input into your daughter’s food choices.

First, if she’s not already, have your daughter cook at least one evening meal a week. She should plan the menu and shop with you for the ingredients. You can set general guidelines (such as one meat dish and two vegetable sides) but be careful not to micromanage the process.

Second, your daughter should be expected to eat what’s served with no substitutions. If she doesn’t like something, she can either eat it or not. She won’t starve if she misses an occasional meal.

Third, you should only buy the kind of snacks that you wish her to eat, such as pretzels instead of potato chips. Simply tell your daughter that if she wants a particular snack, she needs to purchase it with her own money. At 14, she’s old enough to baby-sit or pet sit for neighbors, etc., for extra cash.

Fourth, resist the urge to lecture about food. Sure, you can have discussions about food, but don’t harangue her. Visit local farmer’s markets or area farms to talk about seasonal foods. Discuss ingredients and read articles together about food. Watch cooking shows together and talk about different techniques or menus. There is so much information about food these days that you can find common interest that will serve to connect you both in a positive way.

Finally, recall your own misspent youth when it comes to food. Haven’t we all made bad food choices as teens? I well remember Oreo binges that make me shudder today. Keep that in mind and go easy on her. She’ll likely outgrow this if you don’t dig in your heels too deep.

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