Thinking the Best, not the Worst

Over the next several Tuesdays, I’m giving readers a sneak peak chapter-by-chapter at what’s inside my new book, Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids From War to Peace, which is available in October, with permission of Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City.

Do your children regularly perform acts of charity toward one another? Most of us would say no, but being kind to one another should be the hallmark of brothers and sisters. Why do our kids treat one another with meanness instead of kindness, with a shove rather than a helping hand, and with harsh words instead of a sweet spirit? Because of their own sinful hearts, yes, but also because we have failed to instill in them how to truly love one another.

Today’s world encourages entirely too much focus on self, and it’s a daily struggle to help our children turn their hearts away from themselves and onto others. Before implementing ways to teach children to think well of each other, parents should first take the pulse of their household. Observing kids when they think no one is looking can be eye-opening. The dynamics of their interplay can appear differently when grownups step back and stealthily pay close attention to them.

To check the barometer of your household, take a week to watch your children with your full attention. How your children treat each other when no one is looking says a lot about how rife sibling rivalry is in your household. As you observe from a distance, ask yourself these questions:

• Do your kids share easily with each other most of the time?
• Do your kids talk kindly to each other most of the time?
• Do your children help each other on their own most of the time?
• Do your children play together or spend time together voluntarily most of the time?
• Do your children do nice things for one another without parental prompting most of the time?
• Do your children defend each other to outsiders most of the time?

These questions can help you consider your children’s behavior toward one another. Note the qualifier most of the time. Everyone can have a bad day—that’s why you should do your observing over at least several days to gather your observations. sometimes. Remember that you shouldn’t expect perfection or altruism in every single interaction between your offspring.

Read more about how parents can guide their children in thinking the best, not the worst of their siblings in Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids From War to Peace, available for pre-order now on Amazon.com, CBD.com and Beacon Hill Press.