The Blessing of Siblings

Over the next several Tuesdays, I’m giving readers a sneak peak chapter-by-chapter at what’s inside my new book, Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids From War to Peace, which is available now, with permission of Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City.

  

Parents often plan how many kids to have based on the number of children they think they can handle. Sometimes, that number of influenced by their own childhoods or by seeing how the children of relatives or friends behave. What parents usually fail to consider is what a healthy relationship with brothers and sisters gives a child. Hearing your children snipe at each other, or remembering fights you had with your own siblings, might make you forget the many blessings brothers and sisters can bring to your life and to the lives of your children. Whether you have one brother or sister, or five, being a sibling provides you with someone who “gets you” when the world doesn’t and with someone to share the joys and burdens of life.

Almost from the time of our birth, we share with siblings our most intimate thoughts, ideas, and dreams. Together, we explore, collaborate, conspire, and protect. We goad each other to do good—and bad. We play together, torment each other at times, counsel each other, and comfort one another. For better or for worse, our brothers and sisters become a large part of who we are.

Often those relationships outlast parents, spouses, and friends. With brothers and sisters, you share a history—the good and the bad. So far, it seems that the gist of sibling research focuses on how the children interact with one another and with their parents. But what the studies haven’t yet tackled in-depth is how siblings help each other in a variety of ways with friendship being at the top.

If you look past the in-fighting, you’ll likely see some of the secret—and not so hidden—blessings of having a brother or sister (or both!). As you watch your own children interact, note the many ways they support each other. Maybe an older sister helps her little brother tie his shoelaces, or an older boy takes his sister’s hand without prompting to cross the street. These small gestures done “undercover,” so to speak, show you more of their hearts than anything else. Write a few of those down and look at the list often, especially when sibling conflict heats up. It’s a good way to remind yourself of the blessings of siblings.

Read more about why siblings can be blessings, both when kids are young and when they are older in Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids From War to Peace, available for now on Amazon.com, CBD.com and Beacon Hill Press.