How to Ruin Your Child’s Summer (In 5 Easy Steps)

School finally let out yesterday in Northern Virginia, and that means summer has officially begun in the eyes of my children. With just under 9 weeks of blissful vacation looming in front of them, my thoughts, naturally, turned to how I could ruin their summer.

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1. Make everything about education. If it doesn’t teach or reinforce something your children learned at school this year, then don’t let them do it. Summertime means extra learning time, so crack open those books and squeeze every last drop of education from each activity or trip you take. No sloughing off for your kids!
2. Be involved. Be very involved. Sure, summers used to be times when kids had more freedom from parental oversight, but that was back in the dangerous past. Nope, this summer, make sure that you are heavily invested in everything they do. Organize their days from morning until night, run play dates like a field marshal’s exercise, and referee every pick up game you see.
3. Curb those free-range tendencies. That’s right, no letting the older kids roam from home on their own. Keep ‘em tied tight to the home front. Let them walk to the park around the block by themselves? Are you crazy?
4. Become their cruise director. Along with number 2, make sure you have plenty of crafts on hand or games to play when a child utters those two words that send parents the world over into a tizzy: “I’m bored!” Don’t be defeated by those words—be proactive with ideas and ways to entertain them.
5. Let their imaginations atrophy. Summers used to mean a break from academic thinking, when children had more time for free thinking and imaginative play. No more! Ban imagination by keeping all handheld electronic devices fully charged and ready to go at a moment’s notice. Encourage marathon sessions of video games and binge-show watching.

By following these simple steps, you, too, can wreck your child’s summer vacation. We wouldn’t want our darlings to have any fun on their own, now would we?

Until next time,

Sarah