The Truth About Strangers

If there's one thing that's been drilled into my children from school safety lessons is that talking to strangers is about the worst possible thing they can do. In our quest to make our children "safer," we've essentially cut off our nose to spite our face with this bit of nonsense.

Telling our kids not to talk to strangers can make them afraid of everyone they meet--and instill in them that the world is indeed a scary place. It turns our children into unfriendly people who daren’t say hello to a grownup they don’t know. I’ve had to remind my children in all kinds of places that to reply to a compliment or comment from an unknown adult is okay, that it doesn’t hurt anyone to talk, especially when I’m standing right beside them.

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Talking never hurt anyone, and I think our fear of our kids talking to strangers stems from the fact that we think a conversation will draw our children into a situation that isn’t safe. So to stop that potential scenario from happening, we decide to nix all talking to people they don’t know.

But that can backfire because the fact of the matter is, most strangers are perfectly fine and nice people, willing to lend a hand if needed and definitely not about to do something mean or dangerous to our children.

Instead of telling our children not to talk to strangers, we should instead tell them the following info:

1.     Your father and I would never send a stranger to pick you up, no exceptions ever. Designate a few grownups that you would send, such as relatives or close friends. Tell your kids who those people would be. For example, someone from our church that our kids know well is on the school emergency call list. I remind my children each school year that she has my permission to pick them up from school in case of an emergency.

2.     You are never to go anywhere, even down the street, with a stranger or other grownup, without our permission. If an adult asks—even a neighbor or family friend—make sure your child knows to come ask you first.

3.     You should never get into any vehicle with a stranger or grownup without our permission.

4.     If a stranger or other adult tries to grab you, you should scream as loud as you can and run away. That is not the time to worry about appearances—instill in your kids that you want them to yell and run in that situation.

5.     If they feel uncomfortable, it’s okay for them to simply leave the grownup’s presence and tell us immediately what happened. Yes, we want our children to be polite, but we also want them to learn to heed their instinct when it comes to their comfort level.

6.     Have them memorize their phone number and address. Review that info with them regularly.

Role play these various scenarios with your children until they are comfortable with those situations. Remind your children that the chances of something bad happening to them are very slim, but it’s good to be prepared. Also remind them that most grownups, even strangers, are nice people with no intention of harming them.

This type of preparation will help your children be better prepared to face life’s unexpected circumstances while also empowering them with the tools they need to interact with the world in general. Let’s stop telling our children that everyone we don’t know is a potential danger, and instead start equipping them with how to meet real danger if they encounter it.

Until next time,

Sarah